After last week’s Rate-A-Queen talent show, part one, nobody was eliminated … yet. Previously, alternative Indianapolis queen Ciara Myst found herself comprising one half of tonight’s bottom two after her poetry was not as well-received as the other performances were in Episode 5.
Tonight, the rest of the girlies will be exhibiting their talents for the world to see, and, as always, we’ll be sat front row with popcorn to scrutinize their C.U.N.T. and determine who has the strongest chances of lasting through to the end of the competition this year. And, as usual, if we turn out to be wrong, well … Sue us.
11. Ciara Myst
This last-place ranking probably goes without saying, as we already know Ciara will be lipsyncing for her life tonight. This is an interesting position for her to be in, though, as it could now open the door for some serious strategic thinking on her part as to how she ranks the talent show performances of her cast mates. Maybe she thinks she can beat a certain queen in the lipsync and can rally the troops to torpedo that particular queen’s score in the Rate-A-Queen ranking system.
We did already see some “3D chess,” as it was called by last week’s co-conspirators, going on last week after all. And by “3D chess,” I mean a bunch of unhinged, probably sleep-deprived queers running around the Werk Room whispering in each other’s ears and making several conflicting promises to different people, then proceeding to entirely forget that when it came time to assign everyone to part one or part two of the talent show. If you made an agreement with someone to rank each other highly, why did you both then sign up to be in the same part of the show? Doesn’t that mean … ?
Oh well, never mind anyway, but as for Ms. Myst, we’re not so sure she will recuperate from this severe lack of slaying. Her poem was really hard to follow, and her stage presence was heavily lacking in the charisma department.
10. Vita VonTesse Starr
This performance was really bad. How are you going to use an original track brought from home and still not know the words? Aside from that, we weren’t living for the aerobics-themed performance—As a concept it’s tired, and it’s been done before a thousand times over on Drag Race. How she was safe above Ciara Myst is beyond me, except maybe that she’s more well-liked or respected among the group as a whole. But I’m starting to get bored with Vita, she isn’t exactly emerging as one of the main characters in the narrative of Season 18. Bring us the drama, girl!
9. Athena Dion
Admittedly, we have been pretty hard on Athena so far in these rankings. I personally just find her makeup to be really scary looking, and more in a Baby Jane way than a Dragula way. And last week’s outfit was another atrocious boot for me, burn that pink turban immediately PLEASE. The Redditors have taken notice of the grandma vibes this queen is giving as well. “Out of drag, he’s a fresh dude,” says one comment I read on Athena. “But the makeup makes her look 25 years older.”
We’re feeling a little hard-pressed to think of an inspired moment Athena has given us so far. It’s all felt a little too “old-school drag” for us at this point, and not in a cool, nostalgic way that makes us appreciate the good ol’ days. More like … your boomer relatives who get their picture put in the paper for yelling at clouds.
8. Darlene Mitchell
Darlene’s talent last week left us feeling a little less than impressed, but it wasn’t the worst thing we saw that night. At what point is that going to stop being enough to continue on to the next round of the competition remains to be seen, but Darlene does have a certain charm to her. She did earn a few laughs from Ru & Co. as they watcher her tool-themed performance.
Why did she have all those prop tools but not use any of them? We were waiting for her to pick up the hammer and start pounding her vagina with it or something. I mean, make a show of the drill screwing you in the ass. A Deep Throat moment with the screwdriver. Come on, really. A drag queen using tools? It writes itself. Where are the innuendos, Darlene? There were a few lukewarm ones in the lyrics themselves, but outside of triumphantly posing with the drill prop at the end of her number, Darlene’s lyrics may as well have been about “a fucking ancient dildo” and we wouldn’t have known the difference.
7. Jane Don’t
Is it mean to say we aren’t sure if Jane has any talents? Hasn’t she won a challenge, though? We already forgot which one, which means it was probably more about everyone else doing worse than her, than her truly excelling at something. And the fashions are still hideous as ever; that look last week did not fit the runway challenge prompt. It was supposed to be satin; we weren’t getting any satin on our end. It was a … big, colorfully-feathered bird draped across her shoulder and a tropical-themed gown. Yes, OK, maybe the gown itself was satin, but then why was the bird there?
The girlies seem threatened by Jane, too, and maybe rightfully so, as she has placed highly in both the competition and in these Power Rankings most weeks so far. So maybe the other queens will opt to throw a wrench into the cog of Jane’s machine this week by collectively agreeing to rank her poorly, no matter if she turns water into wine or bends over backwards like Reagan from The Exorcist.
6. Kenya Pleaser
It’s safe to say that Kenya Pleaser has had the Drag Race fandom’s title of “confessional queen” bestowed upon her for her humorous commentary so far this season. Understandably so, she has been cracking us up too as we’ve gotten to know her over the past five episodes.
But if her previous lipsync for her life against Briar Blush was anything to go off of, she may not be blowing the roof off the building anytime soon. Her performance was good enough at that point to keep her in the competition, but to be fair, it’s probably not that difficult to win a lipsync against someone who just fainted on the main stage an hour before. Tonight, I’m bracing myself to be whelmed by Kenya again.
5. Discord Addams
The walk is still a work in progress, but at least she finally had a cute runway look last week. We loved the newspaper print on the satin dress, the DIY-punk-glamour aesthetic, and the irreverence of the long, detachable train her outfit had. Plus, using the train as a walkway finally gave her a justification to be walking so horribly on the runway.
Didn’t she say she plays in a punk band? It would be so cool if she plays the guitar on the main stage as her talent. Please give us the full Courtney Love experience, Discord. And by that, I mean throw your guitar at RuPaul’s head. That would liven up the show quite a bit. Duck, mother!
4. Juicy Love Dion
After weeks of having Juicy shoved down our throats, the Stockholm syndrome-ing has finally started working, and we now begrudgingly admit that we’re starting to enjoy her. The talent show performance she gave was indeed fierce, and that top-two lipsync she was a part of was nothing to sneeze at. If this whore really makes it to the end, though, we’re still gonna be a little annoyed about it.
We didn’t like the runway look, though. It looked like wilted lettuce from an old salad, and it made her look about three feet tall. Not every runway look needs to be about being a perfect, beautiful model like Linda Evangelista, but if that’s the route a queen wants to take, it’s probably a good idea to try and accentuate any tallness she’s able to.
3. Myki Meeks
This cute-as-a-button queen is starting to get a bit more airtime, and we love that for her. We already knew she possessed an adorably charming disposition, but finally her confessionals are starting to catch up and show a more vibrant, vivid side to her personality.
We can’t wait to see what sorts of drama Myki will be bringing to the main stage for her part in the Rate-A-Queen talent show. Also, her runway look was to die for; the ice-blue satin ribbon floating above her head was otherworldly and very memorable. That was far from the first time Myki has served a great, distinct look on the runway, and it probably isn’t going to be the last, either.
2. Mia Starr
“Her dance moves are fierce, but it looks like she’s about to meet you on the playground after school and beat the shit out of you!” is the quote that came to mind for us when it came to Mia’s performance in the talent show and in the lipsync last week. Mia’s meteoric rise to the top continued last week, and her edit has recently been placing her in much more visible territory than some of her fellow queens in the past few episodes.
Not for nothing, either, because both presentations were devastating acts of fierce beauty in last week’s show. Mia was giving early 90s, Salt N’ Peppa vibes and we were definitely here for it. Now, if only Mia wouldn’t have agreed to give her friend Athena a high ranking no matter what (and we predict she’s gonna need it,) then we’d be fully on board the Mia Starr train.
1. Nini Coco
ROBBED!!! Nini got fucking robbed last week! Don’t even bother trying to convince us otherwise, because that praying mantis number ate, just like the praying mantis she portrayed eats her mate when she’s done with him. That back handspring was lethal, and we just know that if Nini ever needs to lipsync for her life, it’s gonna be explosive. Nini seems like the kind of queen who just really has her shit together and knows not only what she’s doing, but how to maximize its impact when she does it. The polish level is off the charts. Nini, you better work, bitch, and bring that crown back home to Denver where it belongs!
Photos courtesy of MTV
