Jacking or jilling off. Clicking the five-fingered mouse. Ringing Southern bells. Choking the chicken. Playing with Rosie Palm and her five sisters. A little “me” time.
Whatever you call it, we’re talking about good old masturbation. And however you do it (or don’t do it), there is nothing wrong with taking some time to pleasure yourself, getting to know your body, and exploring what turns you on.
Like most sexual acts, it’s hard to find numbers about self-loving. An old joke says 98 percent of folks masturbate, and the other two percent are lying. Current research shows that around 89 percent of women and 95 percent of men have tried masturbation at some point in their lives, regularly or not. There are not yet any reliable statistics on trans folks and masturbation.
So lots of people are doing it, and some aren’t. Whether or not you’re one of those 89 or 95 percent, masturbation is an absolutely healthy activity for anyone. As the saying goes, who can really love you more than yourself?
Some people use masturbation as way of releasing tension or passion, while others use it to get ready for sexy time with a partner. Even others might masturbate together as part of a relationship or hook up; masturbation is really the safest form of sex out there.
“Masturbation is one of the healthiest ways a person can explore and enhance their sexuality,” said Megan Andelloux, BS, ACS, a board certified sexologist and executive director of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, Rhode Island.
“Not only does it allow someone to own the sexual feelings and sensations that might be coursing through their mind and body, but it also provides people with the privilege of autonomy,” Andelloux said.
Andelloux said that there are not only emotional benefits but health benefits too; “Masturbation circulates blood flow to the genital region, keeping the tissues and the veins in a healthy, active state. Masturbation has been found to boost the immune system – keeping colds and sniffles away, and elevating moods if someone is feeling slightly depressed,” she said.
“Plus, the most common time to masturbate is right before bedtime. Giving yourself some self-love can be one of the most exhilarating and yet calming/relaxing – and free – ways to catch a cat-nap.”
The way people do it can vary: Research shows males tend to choose one of a few specific ways – hand up and down, using a sleeve, rubbing between a pillow and the bed, or anal stimulation, etc – while females use a bevy of options with almost no two subjects getting off in the same exact way. What it all adds up to is that whatever feels good for you is what feels good for you, and there is no “right” way to masturbate.
What about toys? Whether we’re talking butt plugs or vibrators, dildos or nipple clamps, lots of people add in some extra action when getting down with themselves. The good news is that contrary to popular belief, sex toys, particularly vibrators, are not addictive. If you like the sensation you get from them, then feel free to use them. If you ever feel that they are hindering partner sex, take a break and explore different types of sensations. Otherwise, keep them clean – one way is to use a condom for ease of clean up – research body-friendly materials, and store them in an accessible place.
Masturbation is a good way to find out what feels good. If you aren’t aware of where and how your body likes to be touched, it makes it more difficult to communicate these things with current or future partners.
As a last note, masturbation will not put hair on your palms, make you go blind, kill a kitten, cause infertility, or make you turn gay – if it did there would be a much bigger LGBTQ population! What is DOES do is allow you to understand your body better, help you to release tension and pursue sexual pleasure on your own, provide an option for a safer sex activity with partners, and let you explore your own fantasies.
