Content Warning: This article discusses mental health, suicide, and suicide prevention. We share this conversation with care and compassion, recognizing that these experiences can affect members of our community in deeply personal ways.
Do you know someone that is struggling and not sure how to talk to them about what they are feeling? Despite what many might think asking your loved one asking them directly and calming about depression and any thoughts of suicide is the best way to start the conversation. This doesn’t plant the idea. It shows them that this is a safe space to discuss these topics.
You don’t need to have all the right words or know exactly what to do next. You don’t need to solve their problems or have all the answers. You just need to be there. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is listen, remind them that they aren’t alone, and let them know you care. You don’t have to fix everything. Your presence can be enough.
Start with something simple. You don’t need the perfect words—You just need to show that you’re listening and that you care. Try saying:
- I’m really glad you told me.
- I’m here with you.
- You don’t have to go through this alone.
- Do you want to tell me what’s been going on?
- Sometimes when people feel overwhelmed, they think about suicide. Is that something you’ve been thinking about?
You also want to avoid phrases that can unintentionally minimize what someone is experiencing or make them feel guilty for struggling.
Try to avoid saying:
- “Other people have it worse.”
- “You have so much to live for.”
- “Think about your family.”
- “You don’t really mean that.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “You just need to stay positive.”
- “Promise me you’ll never do anything.”
Instead, focus on listening without judgment, acknowledging their feelings, and helping them feel supported and safe. You don’t have to understand exactly what they’re going through to let them know you’re there.
Don’t try to handle a crisis alone. If someone is in immediate danger, has seriously injured themselves, or has access to something they could use to hurt themselves, it’s time to involve emergency/crisis support rather than trying to manage the situation by yourself. In these cases, contact the 988 crisis hotline.
Suicide prevention isn’t necessarily one conversation. Supporting someone doesn’t end once the immediate crisis has passed.
- Check in the next day.
- Send a text.
- Invite them to dinner.
- Help them find a therapist or another source of support.
- Keep including them in plans.
- Follow up and remind them that they matter.
Sometimes, support looks less like having the perfect thing to say and more like continuing to show up. You don’t have to fix everything. You just have to let them know they don’t have to face it alone.
If you are struggling, know that you are not alone, and that support is available. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988, or connect to a crisis counselor at The Trevor Project 1-866-488-7386. Check out our list of trusted partners for non-emergent mental health support.
