Dear Shanna,
My partner and I recently adopted a 7-year-old and are incredibly blessed to have a kiddo in our lives. However, having an extra set of eyes and ears (plus a whole lot of extra curiosity) in our home has really placed some strain on our sex lives. How can we negotiate being parents while also maintaining a sexual relationship?
Parents Wanting to Party, Park Hill.
Dear Parents Wanting to Party,
First of all, many congrats on the addition to your family! Parenting requires a lot of energy, caring, and commitment, and kudos to you for taking that on. That being said, putting out that much time and energy can also be exhausting, to say nothing of your compromised privacy. Here are a few tips to keep up that lovin’ feeling while still showering your newest family member with lots of love.
If being too tired is resulting in a lot of climbing into bed solely to fall asleep, make it a habit to plan time together specifically to be intimate. If you’re tired before bed, consider morning nookie, or set aside some time when you have a babysitter/family member/close friend playing with your kid. A lot of people hate the idea of scheduling time to get it on, but when your schedule has suddenly filled up, this could be your saving grace. It doesn’t mean you HAVE to have sex right then, but even a quick makeout session or relaxing back massage can help the two of you feel more connected.
Have a little chat with the little one about private time. This is a great way to set the stage for all sorts of things. Explain that everyone has a right to private time and that they are allowed to go into their room and close their door if they’d like private time, as well. (You as parents would need to knock before entering.) Conversely, parents get private time too, which means “please leave us alone for now, but it’s ok to knock if something is important.” Obviously, your kid may want to test out these boundaries to make sure you actually WILL answer the door in case of them knocking, but it sets the stage for more private time moving forward.
Take each other on dates, surprise each other with sweet treats, romance each other again. Being a parent can really become a main focus (which is 100 percent ok), but don’t forget to show each other some extra love and affection too. It’s easy to forgo that in focusing on your offspring, but don’t forget: There is more to life than homework, “Monster High,” and whichever restaurant has free kids’ meals that night.
Best of luck!
Shanna
