Welcome to Ask a Coach, where Ingomu coaches answer your questions about life, work, wellness, or matters of the soul. Share your question with us at coaches@ingomu.com, and we’ll answer them here.
How (do I) make friends at my workplace when there is an age gap, or when my colleagues are so very different from me?
– Raegan G.
To easily make friends in your workplace even when there is an age gap or when people are different from you, the secret is to find common ground. Find common interests that you share. Check out the photographs on the person’s desk. Do you both own dogs? Or cats? Do you both like the same sports team? Perhaps there is a poster or a program from your favorite recording artist. Is there a picture of a grandchild in a soccer uniform, and you played soccer as a kid, or still do?
If there’s new technology being introduced and for you, learning it is simple; for older team members, it might not be that stress free. Your offering to help can go a long way toward creating a foundation for a friendship.
Another idea is to suggest that you have lunch or coffee. Breaking bread or sharing some downtime provides a relaxed atmosphere in which you can get to know each other.
– Coach Joyce Gioia, CMC, CSP, FIMC
I speak from personal experience here. I was 65 when a high-tech math startup software firm hired me to be their national sales trainer. Forty-plus employees, mostly Gen X and millennials. I was a stranger in a strange land, a fish out of water. I didn’t speak their language, know their music, wear similar clothes, or use technology the way they did. I went to bed when they were just starting to get revved up.
They didn’t cook and spent their high salaries on eating out or getting meals delivered, fast cars, and expensive vacations. But as a seasoned professional sales trainer, I knew the secret to influencing people, winning them over, and making friends: Don’t talk about yourself, ever, unless asked a pointed question, and even then, keep it brief and turn the conversation back to them.
This is relationship building at its best. It worked. I became highly sought after for meals, gatherings, and everyone wanted to be in my group for focus meetings. Why? Because I always made the conversation and interaction about them. And yes, they eventually came to know the real me. I made many friends, some I still keep in touch with.
– Coach Steve Reinhart
How long should you stay at a company before deciding it is not right for you?
– Joelle N.
An important aspect of being true to one’sself is finding the right job and workplace. There are a couple factors to consider when deciding, “Do I stay, or do I leave?” During the first 90 days, if you realize a company is not right for you, that is the best time to leave. The first 90 days is the courtship period before you get engaged.
If you really need the money, a reference, or experience, then set a goal to stay one or two years. Revisit your decision quarterly and annually, and be open to changing your mind. Staying a while, even when the job isn’t perfect, can prove beneficial. First of all, learning to navigate difficulties and get your needs met is best practiced when you have nothing to lose. And, many times, we get singularly focused on the negative and miss opportunities to water the grass where we are because we think it will be greener somewhere else. So, while you are waiting for the leave, lock in the learning of what will make you happier so you make better decisions next time.
– Coach Kim Bettie
While there is something to be said for not giving up too easily, there is more to be said for not wasting your most precious resource: your time. This is really about clarity… not clarity about this job or company, but the clarity about your life. That’s the root of the decision. List out your top three to five priorities (family, building wealth, leaving a legacy, health etc.), then ask yourself if this job or company is moving you toward your desires in these priority areas or farther away from them.
What is it the wise people say? Decide what you want, and say no to everything that isn’t that! I am not suggesting that you suddenly quit your job without a well-thought-out transition plan to something that does move you in the direction of your goals. Just don’t belabor or delay the process out of fear of the unknown, lack of confidence, or being too settled into your comfort zone. Buffer your transition with a solid emergency fund so you have room for things to go wrong.
– Coach Jen Nash
Here at Ingomu, we uplift humankind by making a positive difference in the lives of many. Via the Ingomu app, we provide holistic and equitable coaching in the areas of life, work, wellness, and soul to your subscribers. Coaching for everyone because everyone matters. Learn more at OFM.Ingomu.com.
