Welcome to Ask a Coach, where Ingomu coaches answer your questions about life, work, wellness, or matters of the soul. Share your question with us at coaches@ingomu.com, and we’ll answer them here.
I recently went through a rough breakup, and my emotional well-being has taken a hit. I feel lost. How can I overcome this?
– Jane H.
Breakups are painful, and I hold this space with you right now. Sometimes you just have to sit in that pain, unfortunately.
The first part is recognizing that you need to be patient with yourself in the grieving process. There is no way to rush this. It is very natural to want to run away from painful emotions, but there will be seasons when there are just more painful emotions than you are used to. It is natural to try to avoid it, run away from it, or rush yourself through this grief process, but it just doesn’t work like that, unfortunately.
There are some things you can do that can boost positive emotion while you are going through something painful like this. For example, it is very important to have a support system. I hear you say that you are lost. Feeling lost comes from feeling alienated. You feel alienated from your community, from losing that relationship. You may even feel alienated from yourself because you yourself feel lost in this situation. You are not sure who you are without this other person in your life. Getting connected again is key. Getting connected again with yourself. Getting connected again with some other people in your community who are very caring, and who know how to sit with you and not try to fix you—That is key.
Another thing you can do to boost your Mood is to think of three good things at the end of each day that happened to you. Focus on the present day. A boost of positive emotion will come when you think about what was good that day. It reminds you of the good things that are happening in your life. Exercising and going out in nature can boost your positive emotions also.
The last thing I want to add is to honor the relationship. Even if it was a painful end, remember that the reason it is painful is that you had love in this relationship clearly, or else it wouldn’t be so painful. Honor the journey you went through together, and appreciate that not all love lasts. Sometimes it transforms, but that doesn’t make it less important or meaningful.
– Coach Alli Van Roekel
My parents never really educated me on money. I had to do the best I could and learn the hard way. I want to ensure my kids don’t have to go through the same. My daughters are 4 and 6; when and how do you suggest I start educating them about money?
– Rebekah
Kudos to you, Rebekah, for wanting to break the cycle. It is never too early to start educating your kids about money. There is always an age-appropriate way to teach kids about money. There are so many resources out there that can teach kids about money. A simple internet search will bring up tons of them. The biggest thing I’d say with kids is to not only have these resources, cute books available; it is for the parents to model for them what the adult problems are that you are working through in your everyday life.
As you are trying to balance your budget or pay bills, say some positive things out loud. Don’t fight with your spouse in front of the kids. Let your kids see you work through weighing the options. Should we do this, or should we do that? Kids watching you solve financial issues or make decisions about the resources you have available, that is going to be the most impactful thing for them to see and experience as they learn. Modeling is going to do everything it needs to do. And, it doesn’t always have to be easy. When they see you solve a problem that wasn’t easy, or make a decision, that will empower them in so many ways, without them even realizing it. The best legacy you can ever leave your kids is not giving them money, but teaching them how to make their own.
– Coach Jen Nash
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