Last week on RuPaul’s Drag Race, we said goodbye to Briar Blush, but not before she memorably collapsed to the floor during judging on the main stage. Yes, Briar is OK now, and it actually turns out she had walking pneumonia during her run on the show, ostensibly explaining the shocking moment. It wasn’t unlike another iconic moment in reality TV herstory when a contestant suddenly dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes during the judges’ critiques:
Tonight, we’ll all be rooting for the queens of Season 18 because Rate-A-Queen is back. Half of the contestants will be performing in a talent show and the other half will be ranking the presentations of their sisters (and we have to assume vice versa will be occurring next week.) Let’s just hope everyone had a good night’s rest and drank enough water before tonight’s show. We don’t need any more drag queens fainting onstage (or accusing said fainter of faking it … looking at you, Mia and Vita.) As always, this is our weekly appraisal of each queen’s current standing in the competition. If we turn out to be wrong, well … Sue us.
11. Juicy Love Dion
If I was standing on the main stage and the girl standing next to me fainted, I wouldn’t catch her either. I’d let that bitch tumble. BOOM, oh no, is she OK? Did she get a concussion? Oh, well she better go get checked out by a doctor and withdraw from the competition. Need help packing? Just kidding, to be perfectly clear.
Briar fainting was totally out of nowhere, and Juicy and Briar were shown to be good friends. And, of course, in the aftermath of the fall, Juicy did appear to be an attentive friend. Have you noticed yet I didn’t really say anything about how Juicy is doing in the competition? Yeah, that was on purpose because I find this queen to be unbearably boring, from the cliche, generic, “sexy and opulent” drag name to the outfits that, if basic, seem like she picked them out, and if interesting, seem like someone else picked it out for her.
I don’t feel like this queen has quite mastered carving out her own niche yet. Of course, she’s an extremely talented dancer, but she has already needlessly revealed her wondrous flexibility and physicality previously, in the Q-Pop challenge, so now it won’t even be a surprise when she lip syncs for her life and pulls out those gravity-defying moves.
10. Athena Dion
Being as seasoned of a drag artist as Athena is, I expected a whole lot more from her on the runway last week. That dress she made was completely hideous, and I also hated the makeup look. Oh, and I also hated the hair. The color was giving grandma, and the headband was giving prison, honey.
Anyway, I feel like the producers are trying their very best to send Athena right off the deep end with the whiplashery of her placements so far. When I didn’t think she did so bad, they put her in the bottom three. When I thought her look needed to be thrown in a fireplace, she won over a look that was a lot more fashion-forward than hers.
Are they trying to break her? I mean, a few weeks ago it did seem like the psychological horrors of reality TV were already beginning to get to Athena, and we saw a few cracks showing. There are definitely at the very least a few more weeks’ worth of producers toying with Athena and her placements. I could see her having a Jan-esque face crack moment for not winning a challenge. Dare I say, this may give her a little more plot armor to make it through the competition with.
9. Discord Addams
Every time Discord was given a critique on the main stage last week, she went from straight face to huge grin to scowl, back to flashing the pearly whites, then looking pissed and right back to happy again. All in a span of what, 30 seconds? That shit was fucking terrifying, and speaking of terrifying … Have you seen her runway walk?
My goodness, she walks like Dren from Splice. Her “sensual” body language on the runway was more like she was walking over to go key someone’s car, or throw a hot, scalding coffee in someone’s face. This queen needs to visit a rage room. She needs to punch a pillow, or she needs to start boxing, or something. I feel like she is full of unbridled anger, and it’s just waiting to explode at an inopportune moment.
8. Mia Starr
Last week was Mia’s most visible week yet. I felt this queen had been falling to the wayside with so many cooks in the kitchen, but now, with the herd thinned out just a bit, it left enough of a margin for Mia to snatch up some attention when she and last week’s sashayer, Briar Blush, had a bit of a heated exchange when the girlies returned to the Werk Room from Episode 3’s elimination.
The archive footage depicted Mia teasing Briar while the latter was attempting to open up about a previous relationship that went wrong. I mean, I don’t think I would have been amused either, to be fair. Mia was wrong to poke fun in that moment, and I think she may not be too much longer for this competition. If your rise in the edit is this meteoric, it very well may burn out and be extinguished rather quickly.
7. Kenya Pleaser
Last week, Kenya lip synced for her life, and I was whelmed. But I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be overjoyed and fling myself out of my seat into the air in reaction to her dance. I didn’t, though. Since, you know … The lipsync was whelming. This may be partially due to some weird camera angling techniques they seem to be trying out in this year’s production. Regardless, Kenya’s lip sync was a little offputting.
It felt like she was putting energy into the wrong beats of the song or otherwise not quite hitting the mark like she should have. Plus, she did the same exact dance move twice, both times at the top of the chorus, a cardinal sin in the world of drag performance. But Kenya has plenty of charisma and attitude to burn, so she probably won’t be in peril quite yet this week. In the long run, however, I don’t know if I see Kenya advancing to the finale.
6. Ciara Myst
Girl, not the jeans and meat combo. If that was my fashion assignment, I’d probably just leave the set, right then and there, and catch the next bus home. Given the horrendous combo of looks to take inspiration from, I suppose Ciara Myst did alright. I didn’t like her look, but was I ever going to like a look that was supposed to represent both raw steak and blue denim? And not to be nitpicky and judgemental, like Michelle Visage, but I don’t care for the weird makeup she’s doing on her lips. It kinda reminds me of Dusty Ray Bottoms, and not in a good way.
Damn, we finally got two “alternative” drag queens cast together in one season, and I don’t like either of them. What a shame that is, and I dunno if Ciara is going to make it to the end of this season. She hasn’t stood out much, to me at least, and lacking a breakout moment in the first four episodes doesn’t bode well for her future prospects of attaining one.
5. Darlene Michell
Darlene, sweetie, I am so sorry that an ugly ass outfit like Athena’s horrific runway look was deemed the winner over your iconic fashion moment. When they announced Athena to be the superior look over Darlene’s, I thought I was dreaming. I thought someone spiked my drink with LSD. I thought RuPaul mixed their names up. I thought she was joking.
Well, no, because I guess the shoes Darlene paired her look with were not up to par for the tastes of Miss Paul. Apparently that was enough to justify trashing Darlene’s prospects at earning a challenge win (which would have been well deserved, in my opinion.) Even if the judges didn’t like them, I thought the shoes were fabulous, as is she and the whole look was. It was a very couture, streamlined, sophisticated look. When she wasn’t recognized for her severe slay, I. Was. Floored. Darlene, please eat these girlies up and slay the Rate-A-Queen performance. She wants revenge!
4. Vita VonTesse Starr
Vita is very talented, but accusing Briar of faking last week when she fainted on the runway was not a cute look. I mean, it’s a fucking TV show. There’s, like, 10 cameras capturing your every move; it’s tons of pressure with nowhere to hide … Why in the hell would Briar do that? I mean, I know that Briar is supposedly a bit of a psycho cunt, according to her edit (and yes, I am blaming it on the edit.)
Anyway, Vita is clearly a talented designer, but I’m not sold on her other skills as of yet. She was quite forgettable in RDR Live, and please don’t make me have to remember her lyrics from the punk-rock girl group again. However, we haven’t seen everything Vita has in store for RuPaul yet. The edit makes that abundantly clear.
3. Myki Meeks
Justice for Myki! Her runway look last week, while it may have been overwrought, was absolutely gorgeous. It served as a testament to Myki’s strong eye for fashion and skill in crafting a costume for herself.
I disagreed with Michelle Visage that the blue mesh fabric was too much. The way she combined it with the leopard print was just—chef’s kiss. Although, like her namesake, I worry that Myki may be a little meek in front of the cameras. This queen has shown herself to be quite talented in many areas of drag so far, but she’s not exactly stealing scenes or drawing a lot of attention to herself. Maybe this is her long-run strategy, to be this year’s “black horse,” as Season 6’s Joslyn Fox put it.
2. Nini Coco
There are two things Denver queens have been known for when they get cast on RuPaul’s Drag Race: quirk and talent. We’ve seen a fair share of both from Ms. Coco so far, and I imagine tonight won’t be different. If Nini is indeed exhibiting her talent in tonight’s first half of the Rate-A-Queen talent show, my only worry is that the other queens will rate her poorly to take her down a peg. I dunno if the other queens at this point in the race are feeling paranoid about yet another Denverite waltzing right in and snatching the crown right out of anyone else’s hands. If they’re smart, they might be.
1. Jane Don’t
Well it’s over. Reddit is already entirely convinced that Miss Don’t is going to be snatching the crown this year. And as we all know, Reddit is never wrong. However, I beg to differ. I hate, hate, HATE all of Jane’s runway looks so far. They have been really unflattering on her, and the color palettes have been flat-out nauseating. The only exception was her mouth runway, which was Leigh Bowery, girl.
I will admit, however, the makeup is cunt. It’s flawless, it’s sharp, it looks airbrushed. This woman knows her way around a makeup brush or two. Love that for her, but I would really hate it if she does truly win Season 18. Mostly because her fashions so far have been reminding me of grandma’s couch (even more so than Darlene’s look last week, which used grandma’s couch fabric, actually slayed, and was a high fashion moment.)
Photos courtesy of MTV
