Nikki Glaser Drops Several Iconic One-Liners at 83rd Golden Globes

Award show season 2026 officially kicked off with the airing of the 83rd annual Golden Globes on Sunday, recognizing the cream of the crop in terms of movies and TV from this past year. Black comedy action thriller film One Battle After Another and the Netflix anthology Adolescence both took home the most awards this year, tying at a total of four each. But what’s the real tea from this year’s Golden Globes?

Reprising her role as host from last year’s ceremony, funny woman Nikki Glaser was back this time with a vengeance. In her opening monologue, Glaser alluded to the pedophilic elephant in America’s room. “The Golden Globe for best editing goes to the Justice Department,” she told the audience, lampooning the essentially useless and informationless nothingburger of heavily redacted “Epstein files” the DOJ recently released.

Some attendees were probably sweating like a hooker in church when Glaser also used clever word play to allude to some A-listers being on “a list,” aka the aforementioned “best edited” Epstein client list that probably does, in reality, have a lot of celebrities’ names on it. But despite her scorching remarks onstage, Glaser admitted later on The Howard Stern Show that the daring jokes she cracked that night weren’t even the most cutting punchlines she had prepared. Some of (in our opinion) of her best material for the show was left on the cutting room floor.

“People just aren’t going to the theater to see things. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours, and it made $14,” she planned to say of the zillennial actress, whose recent sports biopic, Christy, about a lesbian boxer, did indeed fail to meet the measure, financially speaking. Maybe it’s a good thing she opted not to drop that particularly hilarious truth nuke. If she did, Sweeney just might have crashed the stage, just like she did in her Euphoria role as the insecure and attention-seeking Cassie:

Ouch! Bitch, you better be joking. Anyway, aside from Glaser going for the DOJ’s jugular in her opening monologue, she also punned on CBS, the broadcaster of the award show. “CBS News, America’s newest place to see B.S. news,” she quipped in reference to the controversy surrounding Bari Weiss, who stepped into the role of CBS News’ editor-in-chief with an iron fist last October.

No two ways about it, Nikki Glaser definitely slayed her Golden Globes hosting gig for the second year in a row. According to comments executive producer Glenn Weiss made when speaking of Glaser’s hosting skills to Variety last year, this might not be the last time she gets to be the hostess with the mostess: “We absolutely had a great experience with her and think that she would be great at this in the long term.” Until then, Glaser will be busy this year with a Las Vegas residency alongside David Spade and embarking on “The Stunning Tour,” where she will perform stand-up comedy all across the country starting in June.

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