Sometimes following celebrity news is like driving past a car crash: an awful mess you just can’t look away from! Let’s all slow down to ogle in horror as we ride past the latest wave of crazy, out-of-touch drama snatched from this week’s juiciest headlines.
Kanye Tries to Excuse His Problematic Behavior
Kanye West is now blaming an undiagnosed brain injury for his past several years of controversial words and actions. Back in 2002, West was involved in a car crash that broke his jaw, and in a full-page ad he placed in the print edition of The Wall Street Journal last Monday, he tried to use that to explain away a decade of harmful, erratic behavior.
“As I find my new baseline and new center through an effective regime of medication, therapy, exercise, and clean living, I have newfound, much-needed clarity,” he wrote. He says the brain injury he suffered in the crash caused him to develop bipolar disorder, and that it went undiagnosed for several years. Which is supposed to excuse tweeting “IM A NAZI,” I guess?
I’ll just say this: I myself have bipolar disorder. In the past, I’ve done things I’m not exactly proud of because of untreated mental illness. But I’ve never needed to do such heavy-handed damage control as taking out an ad in the paper needing to clear the air and explain that “I am not a Nazi or an antisemite. I love Jewish people,” as he now claims.
Certainly not after selling swastika t-shirts or making my partner wear outfits consisting of nothing but pantyhose and high heels in public. Dude, I don’t think Jewish people need you to “love” them. They just need you to stop being so weirdly obsessed with trying to start a second-wave Holocaust. Trust me, there’s already plenty of that going on in the country right now.
Brooklyn Beckham Exposes His Parents
Meanwhile, a media shitstorm has recently hit the press across the pond: Brooklyn Beckham alleges that his parents, Victoria and David Beckham, are obsessed with PR stunts and making every family event into a photo op to continuously market what he calls the “Brand Beckham.”
Beckham alleges that his mother, Posh Spice herself, danced inappropriately on him at his 2022 wedding to Nicola Peltz. He says that at the ceremony, what was planned as the first dance between bride and groom set to their favorite love song became a humiliating exhibit of what may have been a case of motherly love gone too far.
Sydney Sweeney Doesn’t Burn Her Bra, She Hangs it Up
And lastly, Sydney Sweeney, our current fave “love to hate her” actress, may be in hot water with the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce after she was recently seen stringing up a clothesline of bras on the Hollywood Sign in a clip posted by TMZ on Tuesday. The bras are apparently part of a marketing campaign to promote her new line of lingerie, which will be launching on Amazon later this year.
The brand is going to be called “Syrn,” and honestly, we’d be hard pressed to find a less appealing-sounding name for lingerie. Syrn? Girl, this is definitely not giving whatever you think it’s giving. It’s like she asked ChatGPT to create an “edgy” misspelling of the word siren. We honestly thought at first it was pronounced “serrn.” Like if she was trying to say her name, but choked on spit halfway through.
Are the bras gonna get cut down when they’re done being used as a billboard, or? Maybe her team is planning on just leaving them to flutter in the wind until they inevitably come loose and blow away in a tangled heap, like an underwire-filled tumbleweed. That’s littering, Miss “Good Jeans.” The upper class already made their peace with taking a fat shit on the climate decades ago, so while it should be, it wouldn’t be surprising. I’m sure these Fenty knockoffs will find their way to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch eventually.
Photo courtesy of social media
