Dealing with trauma as a family

What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us? Is there anything even wrong?

So many questions, but not a lot of answers.

I was recently diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder and anxiety. After many tears, hours of research and hundreds of questions, I now have a better understanding as to why the doctors came to their conclusion.

My biggest concern in learning about my diagnosis was that I knew the same abuse I experienced affected my children, too. As I watched their lives unfold in front of me I could not help but ask questions about how this would affect them.

Two of my children have the same parents. Both witnessed and were victims to physical, verbal and emotional abuse at an early age. And now, both have confessed their individual attractions to the same-sex.

I watched how my daughter smiled and then drifted off into a daydream when she saw displays of affection between same-sex couples.

I watched how my son tried to mimic me, by dressing like me and putting on makeup as I prepared for the day.

They too were recently diagnosed with PTSD. Could their diagnosis be affecting their sexual preference? Were they born this way? Or is this a phase that all children go through and I’m just being hyper sensitive?

Those were the questions I posed to my children’s pediatrician.

Regardless of the answer, my love for them will not change, but my gut feeling led to an uneasiness about this common denominator and the answer that I got confirmed my gut feeling.

PTSD just might be affecting their sexual preference. After a series of questions about both of my children and sharing details about the abuse, what they saw or were subjected to, the doctor’s advice was that I watch both of them as they continue to grow and develop.

I would then come back in about a year to check in and if things hadn’t changed, the plan is for us to discuss getting the two of them professional treatment.

The doctor reassured me that no research has been formally done on the matter, nor does this mean there is truly something wrong with my children. Her reassurance didn’t soothe my emotions as I wasn’t concerned about formal research, nor did I think something was wrong with my children.

My deeper issue was how to overcome the PTSD, both personally and with my family.

I don’t want to simply cope or deal with it; I truly want to overcome the obstacle.

I went against the pediatricians’ advice and decided to seek professional help for my entire family sooner than later. Although I think she had good intentions on waiting to see how life unfolds, as a mother, when I am made aware of a concern or a problem, it is not my nature to sit back and let the issue unfold, but instead do something about it; whether it be professional help or a personal action plan.

Of course that is also contingent on the urgency of the matter and to me this situation was urgent.

April is PTSD awareness month. I wanted to bring awareness to this often debilitating diagnosis, by sharing my family’s personal journey. As with all stories, I hope that this story will make someone else feel less alone, or at least bring more awareness to it.

My motto has always been: If we weren’t born with it then we can surely overcome it. 

Jasmine Peters is the founder of Parenting Wellness Center, a certified life coach, an ordained non-denominational pastor, author and single parent of five. Reach her through her website at ParentingWellnessCenter.com.