Your life’s Feng-Shui: schedules keep the balance ‘just right’

I’m officially out of balance right now.

I spend a lot of time out and about, but changes in my personal life have made it so that I don’t want to be out all the time. My friends are revolting against this – I’m getting messages in bottles on my Facebook page, reminding me I am out of the loop on who is dating whom. I haven’t even taken a picture with someone grabbing my boob in six weeks!

We can all, for different reasons, lose sight of parts of our lives. Some of my friends cut everything and everyone out while in school to focus on studies. I have several friends who are indecisively switching between posting everything that happens in their life on Facebook and wanting to close their accounts. Others struggle to find balance between time with family and friends and time with a lover. Then there’s the lesbian hibernation that happens every year once it starts to get cold, and you don’t see us until the thaw.

I have always been lousy at balance. I’m either fighting the urge to barricade myself in the house, or never going home. One month I’ll eat out every night and another I’ll go ‘Food Network crazy’ and start making everything from scratch. The pendulum swings dramatically in either direction.

When we are out of balance or out of sync we lose contact with parts of ourselves. For me it seems to always result in overindulgence – too much wine, too many women, way too much whiskey, or dozens of cookies. You get the idea.

This is not just a “lesbian” thing, but it does seem to be a “female” thing. There are entire books about the “Mommy Syndrome,” the struggle between working and staying at home. Although I am not a mother, I still struggle with the idea of the “homebody,” the 1950s-era “housewife” and the modern, urban diva. It’s really two sides of the same Robyn. At certain times it comes together, but change one thing and suddenly the balance is lost.

I recently started reading about Feng Shui. I previously thought Feng Shui was just about making a room flow well, but I found out it’s really about creating balance in all aspects of life. I’m thrilled, because I need it.

When I started talking about this with a friend, she suggested the goal is integration. Instead of trying to choose between things, maybe the real answer is to bring the parts together.

We still have to decide when integrating parts of our life which will be prudent. It’s especially challenging for LGBT people – putting your crabby cousin in the same room with your gayest best friend might be entertaining, but could prove dangerous.

However, creating a schedule can be useful. In the LGBT community we love to celebrate pretty much anything. Maybe you could start having a game night, or convince people to host rotating dinner parties (this is a particular favorite of mine). I was thinking I would start choosing holidays from around the world each month and invite friends to celebrate. In January, for instance, I can choose to invite people to celebrate Amelia Earhart Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day or even Australia Day.

I love going out – all of that energy gives my life juice. I love staying in and cooking, it feeds my soul. I love spending time with my family/friends/lover. I love spending time by myself. It is finding ways to do all of these things that I struggle with. One of my goals this year is to find a way to integrate my loves more completely. So, a toast to balance – here’s to celebrating Bastille Day!

Email Robyn at goddessofjoy1@gmail.com