You are not alone

By Brian Henderson 

Writer, farmer, and activist Wendell Berry once wrote, “It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.” A friend shared these words with me in a greeting card not long after I began my own coming out journey as a gay man.

As we turn to this season of holy days for several faith traditions, it strikes me that inherent in each one is the theme of journey. The faith traditions we share and celebrate with family and friends provide nostalgic memories of stories and scenes from years gone by and allow us to reenact the narratives of faith that have provided hope and meaning to generations of ancestors before us.

It is quite remarkable to ponder. These days we deem holy give us the opportunity to recall how our forebears endured their own journeys through life and faith – journeys of triumph and failure – journeys pregnant with hope and sometimes void of meaning.

The journey I have been on has been one of hope, and it has had its moments void of meaning. Coming out is a process that never ends. In some ways, my own journey is still just beginning. It’s been a year since I came out to my wife and family. We are still navigating the realities and nuances of what this means. We are not where we were more than a year ago, but there is still a journey ahead.

Coupled with this challenge is that I have been a minister to congregations over the course of my vocational career. For over twenty years I wondered privately if I could make the journey I knew I needed to make. When I no longer knew what to do, my real work got started. When I no longer knew which way to go, my real journey began. It has not been easy. Some folk have been understanding and affirming. Others have become distant. Some have turned a blind eye.

Within Christian tradition, Sunday, Dec. 2, was this year’s First Sunday of Advent: The first Sunday of the new Christian year. As a congregation, we lit the first candle of the Advent Wreath – the Candle of Hope. It is a mystery how this happens, but in the lighting of that candle, as its flame began to flicker, a sense of hope began to flicker in me. In those brief moments, I reflected on the journey I’ve been on, I thought about the family and friends who have been like candles of hope themselves to me.

As I looked out on the congregation present, small in number as it is, I realized that before me were many candles of hope: People with different stories. People with challenging realities. People who are well-off and people who are not. People who came from homes and condos nearby, and some who came from the streets. There in that moment I was reminded that we were all on a journey.

You are on a journey, too. Perhaps your journey, even your journey of coming out, has not been easy or at least you have had moments of challenge along the way as you seek to find your way. No matter your faith tradition, or lack of a faith tradition, as the holidays unfold this year, look for candles of hope around you…in people…in places…in experiences. When you see a flickering flame, pause and be grateful. For out of our pauses and gratefulness, flickering flames of hope shine ever more brightly. Be encouraged. Take heart. Have hope. You are not alone.

Brian Henderson has been an ordained minister with American Baptist Churches, USA, for 13 years. Brian holds a doctoral degree in family-systems theory. Recently, he began as minister of First Baptist Church of Denver, located at 14th and Grant St., where Sunday services are held each week at 10:30 a.m.