When the politics hit home for children of LGBT parents

Lights. Camera. Actions.

So much attention is being given to the LGBT community, on politically charged issues from bullying to legalizing marriage, occurring anywhere from community meetings to national news. Emotions are high, tolerance is low, and communities hang in the balance. Not all attention is good attention.

She abruptly opens the door and, once inside, slams it behind her. She drops her backpack and with a bad attitude and hurt in her voice, she mumbles, “Ugh, the kids at my school make me sick. They walk around acting like being gay is either a disease or it’s a cool fad and I hate it.”

I looked up to my daughter my undivided attention. There were a few seconds of silence. Her brows met in the middle to form an intense frown.

My daughter went on to explain that this is her life and when the kids at her school play like they are gay or talk bad about gay people she feels that they are talking about her family, and it doesn’t feel good. The teachers do nothing about the insults that are strewn around the classroom like silly string, There are few, or no, allies to help fend off the insults. She feels helpless.

Teachable moments

Kids often judge a book by its cover and react out of fear and ignorance – often struggling with their own identity and finding comfort in insulting others. This is the perfect time to embrace this opportunity as a teachable moment and create allies. I encouraged my daughter to share her story and her feelings by going to the teacher or the counselor to express how the actions of her classmates make her feel and her disappointment when nothing is done. What a difference words make.

Act responsibly

As bad as I wanted to tell my daughter to feel free to slam her fist on the table, stand up in her chair and tell her classmates a thing or two, I know that not every environment is safe to truly express her feelings. Children can respond to that out of emotion or go out of their way to cause harm to each other. I encourage my daughter to continue to vent to me – and tell her that if she would like to “share,” she needs to make sure she is familiar with her surroundings.

Don’t take it personally

Unfortunately, my daughter is at an age – a young teenager – where compassion is a spelling word, not something they live by.

I encouraged my daughter to not take it personal, but to sit in truth. She knows who her mom is – me – and who her mom is not. The things people say and do are reflections of who they are and how they feel about themselves much more than they’re reflections on our family.

After our talk, my daughter gave me a hug and with a big smile she stood up and walked away. At the door she turned around and said, “The world is a place to express what you want and you have the right to enjoy it too. Own it!”