When a lesbian mom has a gay son

I was on the phone in my bedroom when my 9-year-old son came into my room and sat on the bed. I could see on his face that he had something to say, and his silence indicated it was something important. I ended my call; crocodile tears filled his eyes and I gave him a big kiss on his cheek. I asked him why his tears were so big. He looked at me with frustration for not taking his tears seriously. I apologized and asked why was he crying.

When he responded, not even the bed could have broken my fall. He said, “Would you still love me if I told you that I was gay?”

Being a lesbian, it would be easy to assume that my response would be of nothing but support of his revelation, but in all honesty I was crushed inside. My entire past flashed before me and my heart felt heavy. I remember the rejection that I received from family and friends. I remember the struggle that I had to overcome in accepting who I am in the face of rejection. I remember news stories of young boys being bullied and teased, sometimes to death. I couldn’t help but feel crushed over the possible rejections, taunting and questions that might be flung his way.

As a mother, I blamed myself. Why? Because of my own emotional baggage, that is still being unpacked.

As a life coach, I had to remember that this was not about me. I needed to remove myself from this equation and meet him where he is to support him in where he is going.

He was still looking at me, anxiously awaiting my response. Knowing that his response to this is contingent on mine. With all of this in mind, I was sincere and supportive, not because I am gay and I welcome him into the LGBT family, but because he is my son and I love and support everything about him.

He was so relieved by my acceptance that he was ready to tell the world that he is gay!

I encouraged him to take things slow. I reminded him of reactions I got when I came out and said we needed to be responsible and safe. He agreed, took a deep breath and slowly released.

I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to talk about. He jumped off of my bed with excitement and ran out of my room closing the door behind him.

As a mother, I want nothing but the best for my children. I want them to be happy, healthy and safe. It doesn’t matter if they are gay or straight. What matters most is how they feel about themselves. I realized that my response made all the difference in how he would feel about himself and impact his journey to accept who he is.

As a parent, our acceptance or rejection of our children, whom they are or what they want to do can make a life changing impact on their lives. It is important to separate our personal issues from that of our children’s issues and provide love and support without conditions.