Why You Should Vote for Donald Trump

Imagine if Hillary Clinton grabbed Matt Bomer’s crotch, stuck her tongue into his mouth, and slapped him on his bubble butt, then denied his charge because he is fat (no way, Anderson!) and did porn. Or leeched onto a hot 17 year old. Or joked with Elizabeth Warren about c*ck and ass. You know, innocent kitchen banter. Girls will be girls …

Donald Trump has admitted to variations of these abuses perpetrated on women, yet his poll numbers are not in the single digits.

The “real” Sec. Clinton is also a flawed candidate.

“Hillary is just as bad,” said an acquaintance. “Look at Bill Clinton.” The leap to Hillary’s guilt by association equaling Mr. Trump’s sexual abuse boggles. Standing by her man while Mr. Trump committed adultery means nothing.

Trusting both candidates is highly questionable — Sec. Clinton’s intelligence and experience are not. She is the adult mother, telling us to clean our room, and she’s hated for it. Mr. Trump is the juvenile father, jokingly promiscuous and applauded for it. Still believe there isn’t a double standard for men and women?

But all of this garbage distracts us from the real issues plaguing our country.

Millions of Mr. Trump’s mostly white supporters are justifiably angry and frustrated as the world passes by them. They’re economically in pain, sick of Washington favoring the rich, and no longer a demographic and policy-driving majority. To dismiss them as “The Deplorables” (Sec. Clinton’s insulting label I thought was a new Disney/Pixar movie) would be unwise, un-American, and hypocritical of me. We are all patriots with different definitions of what that means.

If Sec. Clinton wins the election, Mr. Trump’s extremists promise bloodshed. That is the chasm that divides America, warring with itself for its heart and soul. Mr. Trump’s irresponsible failure to temper his fringe element sets the stage for a frightening future. Every day since he began his campaign with unyielding mendacity and ferocious incivility, like some perverted Groundhog Day scene, Mr. Trump repeats or invents new assertions or accusations defying logic, common sense, or accepted norms of integrity and morality.

At his rallies, he tosses “facts” and “figures” like confetti at Mardi Gras, his mob scooping up his pandering, incendiary rhetoric, even more rabidly convinced of his fitness to hold office. Comparisons to Nazi beginnings shatter America’s self-image. Accountability and character mean little.

We all are weary of the excrement-hurling campaigns (updated from mud-slinging) and politics as usual. Though jaded and exhausted  by anger, discouragement, and the unending length and intensity of this election’s coverage, it is time to vote, a hard-won privilege and honor.

You should vote for Donald Trump if you believe:

Mr. Trump’s proposal to appoint Supreme Court judges who will work to overturn last year’s same-sex marriage ruling reverses the trend of America’s moral decline.

Hillary Clinton wants to take away your guns with background checks. (FYI, she doesn’t and couldn’t because your assault rifles are protected by the Second Amendment.)

Mr. Trump’s egging on of his gun-toting supporters to assassinate Sec. Clinton demonstrates an acceptable option to resolve political differences.

“Very soon” he will end, not reduce, but end “the crime and violence that today afflicts our nation.”

Mr. Trump’s bragging he “could shoot somebody in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose votes” is a winning presidential trait.

He demonstrates mature debate skills with his social media fights.

Women who have abortions and the doctors who perform them should be legally punished, an acceptable intervention by Big Government.

A father who would date his own daughter models excellent parenting skills.

A husband who has committed adultery during three marriages models excellent marital skills.

All allegations of sexual abuse by Mr. Trump are fabrications by the Clinton campaign.

You would feel safe to leave your daughters alone in his company.

Mr. Trump exemplifies an excellent role model for your sons and daughters.

Calling Sec. Clinton a “nasty woman” demonstrates Mr. Trump’s declaration, “No one has more respect for women than me.”

“Politicians have used you and stolen your votes. They have given you nothing. I will give you everything.” EVERYTHING!

Climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.

Money spent on two giant portraits of himself by his charitable foundation is an acceptable use of donations.

Mimicking and mocking a handicapped reporter respects Americans with disabilities.

He did not perpetuate the Obama birther campaign, then smear Sec. Clinton as the instigator.

Calling a former Miss Universe “Miss Housekeeping” was not insulting because she is Latina.

“A total and complete shutdown” of Muslim immigrants is in line with basic American values.

The deportation of 11 million undocumented immigrants is just.

Though Mr. Trump was sued for racial discrimination by the Nixon administration, by voting for him, blacks “have nothing to lose.”

The sacrifices he has made during his life equal the sacrifice of Muslim Gold Star parents whose son died in combat.

Mexican rapists are flooding across the southern border.

To protect our southern border, Mexico will pay for a wall, a feasible engineering feat at no cost to America.

A Mexican judge has no qualifications to judge his case.

Despite the recent investigation for fraud of Trump University, the closing of Trump Casino, many allegations of not paying contractors fearful of being sued, and USA Today’s report that Mr. Trump’s businesses have engaged in 4090 lawsuits over the past 30 years — some still pending — he exemplifies leadership qualities necessary to guide our country toward economic prosperity.

Mr. Trump has nothing to hide in his tax returns and is “smart” for not paying taxes, implying that if you pay taxes, you are stupid.

Though an independent organization said his tax cuts would cost around $3 trillion and mostly favor the rich, they will be good for you and the country.

Repealing consumer protections legislated after the Great Recession will be good for you and not the banking industry.

Cancelling the Paris climate agreement on global warming helps America’s environment, economy, and position as a world leader.

Waterboard torture should be condoned and continued.

Mr. Trump, who continuously proves he is thin-skinned, vengeful, and narcissistic, should have access to nuclear codes.

Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of Mr. Trump on Saturday Night Live “stinks” and is another example of the media rigging the election.

The 17 national security organizations confirming Russian cyber attacks to influence our election should be ignored.

POWs are “losers.”

A man with no government nor military experience knows “more about ISIS than the generals,” and “bombing the hell out of them” is a sound strategy.

Mr. Trump’s admiration for Vladimir Putin, who cracks down on the press, whose critics wind up dead, who invades and occupies countries, and his encouragement of Russia hacking Democratic computers demonstrate foreign policy skill.

Anything declared by Mr. Trump that proves to be a lie or baseless is, in fact, factual and supports the conspiracy to steal the election by the Clinton cabal.

PolitiFact’s assessment of 71% of Mr. Trump’s statements that it checked “mostly false” or worse is wrong.

The Daily Wire’s List of Trump’s 101 Greatest Lies is a lie.

In his youth, Mr. Trump was mentored by Roy Cohn (refer to Angels in America), henchman to Sen. Joseph McCarthy during the homosexual and communist witch-hunt of the fifties, and received excellent advice and training.

Keeping its citizens “in suspense” over accepting the outcome of the election or only if “I win,” Mr. Trump demonstrates respect for its citizens and 240 years of the peaceful transfer of power.

His unsubstantiated claims of mass voter fraud and rigged elections across the country do not undermine the foundations of democracy and the confidence of American citizens in election outcomes.

“Lock Her Up” is an appropriate punishment for Sec. Clinton, though a Constitutional violation of her rights.

Trump supporters who wear “F*ck Your Feelings” t-shirts, shout “Trump That Bitch,” and declare blood will be spilled with a Clinton win — “pitchfork and torches time” — represent you.

Mr. Trump is a “baby Christian,” a judgment passed by Colorado Springs’ Focus on the Family leader, James Dobson.

Claiming Sec. Clinton has “evil in her heart” demonstrates Christian values.

Women are pigs.

If Mr. Trump represents you, your values, and hopes for the future of your country and family, you should vote for him.