Top 10 ways to cure your Pride hangover

Two days of nonstop Pride celebrations can take a toll on the system. While there is no end-all-cure-all for your post-party blues, these 10 suggestions can help lessen the inevitable pain that will follow your days – and nights – of frolicking and fun.

Water:Alcohol dehydrates you (surprise, surprise) by blocking hormones in your kidney, causing them to excrete more water than you take in. So the easiest cure, and probably the cheapest on this list, is to follow the trusty advice that you have heard since you started drinking at 16 (cough, I mean 21). Drink a glass of water with every alcoholic drink you consume, finishing your night by chugging a Nalgene full of the good stuff instead of tequila shots. You’ll wake up with a bladder threatening to explode, but hey that’s better then a head threatening to do the same thing.

A Big, Greasy Breakfast: A cure I used too many times to admit when I was studying in England: A big, greasy breakfast always solved my hangover blues. Consisting of beans, toast, eggs, bacon and other wacky English additions, this plate-o-grease never failed to soak up all the alcohol in my system lingering from the night before, leaving me perfectly capable to pursue my “studies” of cute guys with accents and Pimm’s and lemonade.

Coconut Water: According to a trusty checkout clerk at Whole Foods, coconut water was prescribed by docs in Vietnam to replenish “fatigued” soldiers (aka those just waking up from a bender), as it contains the same five electrolytes found in the human blood that become depleted when drinking. True or false? I don’t know, but those little boxes of magic will be great revivers for any queer solider hoping to re-enter the battlefield of cocktails and thongs during Pride weekend.

Carbs: Along with all the fun side-effects of unselfconscious nudity and a loss of personal boundaries, alcohol causes your blood sugar to drop, making you feel irritable and tired in the morning. Carbs help increase their levels, reducing queasiness and giving you energy for the big day ahead.
Exercise: A quick jog or pop in the gym can help you sweat your hangover out, along with the guilt of drinking all those empty calories the night before (not to mention that bagel and bacon you just chowed down for breakfast). Do your body a favor and treat yourself to a bout of endorphins, tightening up that six pack (or four pack, or one pack – we’re not judging) for a second day of shirtless fun.

Menudo: The slogan “don’t ask, don’t tell” refers not only to your previous night of mischief when faced with this simmering bowl of Mexican soup the next morning. Known by hundreds of Mexican menus and bleary-eyed urbanites as the hangover cure, this spicy soup will clear your sinuses and have you leaving the restaurant perky-eyed in no time.

Hair of the Dog: Probably the most popular remedy for hangovers this weekend, a quick nip of a mimosa or bloody can re-awaken the celebratory spirit that was buried under all those discarded skivies the previous night.

PediaSure: Recommended by a friend of mine and thoroughly endorsed by moms and frat boys alike, a quick Google search revealed that PediaSure packs a punch of nutrients and electrolytes in one grape-flavored sip. Just down some before you head out or hide it in your trusty flask, as sipping on a bottle of kiddy medicine will never be a turn on, no matter what 32-year-old-toddler look you’re going for.

Pain Medication: Swirling stomach and splitting head can be staved temporarily with a pop of a pill of ibuprofen or aspirin. Don’t take Tylenol – or anything containing acetaminophen – which can cause serious liver damage for some people even the day after the alcohol has been cleared from your system.

Not Drinking: Bahaha. I couldn’t hold the straight face any longer. Yet it’s true – the best way to avoid the sad side-effects of too much drinking is … not drinking too much. But, really, where is the fun in that?