Three’s a party, but a leather harness has limitations

Dear Shanna –

I’m in a poly relationship. I live with my wife in Lafayette and have a girlfriend in Colorado Springs. I just bought a leather harness strap on and want to know if it’s OK for me to use it for both of them, and how to clean it between uses. Also, should I just get one dildo I can sterilize, or should I have each of them pick out their own toy?

Three is Perfect Company in Lafayette

Hi Three is Company –

While leather harnesses for strap on use can be super sexy, they can’t be sterilized. This means that unless all three of you have been tested for sexually transmitted infections and have decided to become fluid bound (not exchanging bodily fluids with anyone outside the three of you), you’re going to need to pick up a second harness. Leather can be cleaned and conditioned, but it’s porous. There is no way to completely clean it so that you can be sure there will be no chance of any type of transmission, which includes moving a UTI or yeast infection from one partner to another.

If you want one harness you can use with both partners, a vinyl harness (like those sold by Aslan Leather) is a great option – you can just wipe it down with a bleach cleaning solution. Another great idea is any of the harnesses from Spareparts Hardwear – you can actually machine wash them, and they are super comfy, made of a material similar to swimsuits. A cheaper option is the nylon harnesses made by companies like Sportsheets – they won’t last as long but are also machine–washable.

While you certainly have the option of getting just one high quality silicone dildo you can sterilize in between uses, I highly suggest letting each of your partners pick out their own toy. They may have different wants and needs and it’s a nice separation for them each to have a toy that is specifically theirs. Plus, in case there’s ever a breakup you won’t wind up losing your favorite sex toy!

Enjoy your new toys!

Shanna