This Hot Wing Challenge Left us Scorched

The challenge: hot wings. The movie: Dumb and Dumber. The drink: The Orange Tuxedo (recipe below). Here’s a breakdown of the sauces I tried.

Simple Truth Smokey Chipotle Pepper (says medium hot, but I call bullsh*t). A very, very mild sauce that packs a lot of good, smokey flavor. Not ketchup, but not far from it.

Tapatio. This is a very popular hot sauce that I’m sure you’ve seen it in restaurants here and far. It has a nice vinegar zing, a little spice, and goes well with almost any dish. Can I get a huevos rancheros, y’all!?

Gringo Bandito. A skosh of heat and nice flavor makes this one hell of a tasty sauce, but the label is far more fierce than the actual juice.

Nando’s Peri-Peri (level hot, but it’s really not). A delightful sauce that, although it does not pack a huge punch of heat, is delicious to the last drop. Peri-peri stems from the Swahili word for “pepper.”

El Yucateco Chile Habanero (the green one). A personal favorite of mine, this delightfully spicy, made-in-Mexico hot sauce is just hot enough and packs a flavorful punch. If you are a wuss and can’t take the heat, it comes in less spicy levels as wesll.

Shit The Bed. This Australian-made hot sauce is packed with deep flavors and despite its name, it is not really that hot. Delicious, yes. Shit the bed hot, no. But a worthwhile sauce either way you slice it.

Torchbearer Sauces Zombie Apocalypse Sauce. A tasty sauce, this one is a little bit sneaky. At first, you get a delightful mouthful of flavor and spice, and then, wait for it … it creeps up on you. A slow, beautiful burn and well worth the pain.

Xtinction Ghost Pepper. Made in Littleton, Colorado this baby is Golden Toad approved, whatever the hell that means. This sauce brings a different kind of heat. I was surprised at the absence of intense heat, and once you realize it’s there, it’s gone in several seconds.

Dave’s Insanity. This was the surprise of the lot. I would make this the last one but was saving last place (hottest sauce) for the next one. This sneaky little b*tch tricks you into thinking it’s not very hot, but hold on to your knickers because it will kick you in the balls and laugh while you’re crying about it.

XXX The Last Drop. By this point, my taste buds were pretty f*cking fried. It didn’t really seem very hot, but I’ll have to revisit it on my breakfast eggs or something. On the Youtube show Hot Ones, they save this one for last, but I’m thinking maybe they should up the game a little and really bring the heat. To sum it up, in the words of Harry Dunne, “It’s more tingly than hot.” Enjoy!

To drink with this lineup:

I created a martini called the Orange Tuxedo. Here’s how it goes: In a martini shaker with ice, pour two shots of Breckenridge Gin, one-shot triple-sec, two TBS lemon juice, a healthy splash each of regular and orange bitters, and finish with an orange twist. Shake it like you mean it, and serve in a chilled martini glass.