The world of dating sites

From browsing potential partners on MySpace to filling out countless questions on OKcupid in hope of a hookup, folks have been using online sites for finding everything from one night stands to discovering the love of their life.

Whether these people are searching for a quick sex fling or a partnership of a more long-term nature, dating sites have become popular in the queer community for a variety of reasons.

Whitney found that when she moved to the Denver Metro Area, websites helped her “meet” people in a quicker way than she could out and about – especially being under 21. “I used it mostly after high school when I moved to Denver from the mountains and didn’t know many people down there,” Whitney said, “I was kind of socially-awkward so it was hard for me to meet friends, much less partners and lovers.” She’s quick to point out to those that you can also meet friends and community online; “it is worth noting: I met my best friend online. So it wasn’t always for sex.”

For Patrick, dating sites allow him to be open about who he is, and ensures that he and potential partners are all playing with the same deck; “I find that it’s less stressful to find a like-minded unicorn online than in the hushed corners of public scrutiny. It’s just easier to play a virtual game of go fish, where I know my potential playmate has all of the cards I’m looking for. I like knowing that I’m not at risk of being violenced for my kinks, or my identity.”

On the other hand, Shannon used sites like MySpace to win a bet – and some cash. While she’s now happily married, years ago, she had a different goal; meet and sleep with as many women as possible.

“I’m 30 but used the Myspace/craigslist/Connections in my early twenties. I would only search for girls who were looking for women/hookups,” Shannon said. “I hooked up with each of the 10 women from online twice, one 4 times. It’s quite embarrassing now but I used the sites because a friend and I had a $100 bet to see who could hook up with 10 women from online sites first and double down (to $200) for 2 or more hook ups with the same women within a 24-hour period.”

Of course, there are those who use the sites in ways they might never have expected. Amy was a big people person, but never seemed to find that perfect person for her.

“I was always good at talking to strangers, but not finding people to date among those strangers. I’ve always been a big Internet consumer, and it seemed a low-stress, no-cost, low-demand way to meet people.” It seemed to work out well for her in the end; she recently married someone who she first met via a long online conversation.

While chatting online is easier for some in regards to social interactions, others use it to interact in a way that feels more validating for their identity. Trans woman Sable explains, “most times I do not feel there is hook up space in ‘meatspace’ [real world interactions] for queer trans women. In Denver there is no real cruising space for trans women to go to. I’ve often thought about going to lesbian bars, but never really been sure how welcome I would be. Plus there is the whole cotton ceiling experience when entering women’s spaces – where trans women are tentatively accepted in terms of the social dynamics in women’s spaces, but not really accepted as potential sexual or romantic partners.”

As far as safer sex, people have a variety of ideas around it, from playing it by ear – or not discussing it at all – to having safer sex supplies constantly on hand and letting their newly-found partner decide what makes them most comfortable regarding protection. Some include it as part of their flirtation, where as others wait until meeting in person to bring it up.

Regardless of how you use online sites to meet folks, find a shortcut to hookups or potentially fall in love, it seems as though they give everyone the opportunity to reach out and touch someone in a whole new way.