The meaning of success

I’ve struggled to understand the concept of fear of success, but it’s very real for some people, so I decided to ask around. One response stood out, asking me to define success in the first place.

I suppose the way you define success has a lot to do with how you perceive the life you already have, or have been working towards. When I was a New York City Girl, I defined success by being on “the list,” and by having an antique silver Mont Blanc fountain pen, a pair of crocodile high heel pumps and diamonds.

I still love diamonds. And all of those things are lovely. I also have higher expectations now: success is about building strong relationships, the lessons you learn and the lessons you teach. Success is about being of service and accepting the gifts that life offers. Success is about living a life you love and loving the life you live (to borrow some wisdom from a song). If you look around you and see the triumphs and not the tragedies, you’ve had success in your life the whole time.

When you find yourself looking at your life with satisfaction, you are successful. When you see each moment you lived and each thing you wanted manifested, then you are living a life filled with successful moments. When you look at your life filled with successful moments, you realize that you have been living a successful life all along.

It’s a truer sense of what success is. To be truly successful, you must be living the life you want to live. It has nothing to do with possessions — a person is successful if she or he feels successful. If certain possessions do that for you, then you are. If the freedom to travel to different parts of the world at the drop of a hat means you’re successful, then enjoy the trip. One person says it’s a penthouse in New York City, while another says a ranch out West. I know a man who owns a ranch in Alabama who would describe proof of his success by the fact that he can ship his Harley anywhere he wants to ride.

The point is, it’s different for everyone. We don’t need to compare what success looks like in someone else’s mind. You have no reason to compare your life to anyone else’s, and even if you try to, you will never truly accept someone else’s definition of success as yours.

If success is perspective, shifting yours means you can have it — and accept where you are right now. Those “small victories” are not small at all; there is no measure, no comparison, so you can celebrate every one of yours. A parking spot close to the entrance. Scoring a ticket to a sold-out show — for a bargain — and the music sounds even sweeter.

Spend the afternoon talking about your favorite book with people who share your passion: best day ever.

So there are a lot more people who are successful than we think. In this acceptance, we create a confidence for people, because as we all know, success attracts success. Realize you’ve been a success all along and you’ll notice you’re a magnet for more to come.

Which brings me back to the question: how can you fear success? How can you fear something you’ve had all along?

Robyn Vie-Carpenter is a social columnist on the local and national LGBT community. r See more of Robyn’s columns online at ofcnow.co/TLS or find her on Twitter @TheLesSocialite.