The life, passion and prime time of Bobby Gates

Though we’ve all heard the joke that a 30th birthday means “gay death,” Bobby Gates knew better. For Gates, 73 years old meant daily breakfasts at Panera Bread, regular cocktail hours at Charlie’s and weekly dinners and movie nights with groups of his countless friends and acquaintances.

His vitality and passion for living made his unexpected passing in December all the more a surprise to many of the people lucky enough to know him. Gates died from complications of the flu and pneumonia on December 27, 2012. 

Gates was known around Denver for running the Denver Prime Timers, a meet–up style group dedicated to getting older gay and bisexual men out of their homes and into the bars (and restaurants and coffee shops) for a good time. He founded the club in 1987, and watched it flourish into an invaluable resource for its 185 registered members.

“He loved to help people out,” said Mark Gates of his late father. Mark explained this is why he set up the Prime Timers more than 20 years ago.

“If someone was new to Colorado, he would take them around and help them to adjust,” Mark said. “He was such a kind and giving man.”

Born December 8, 1940, Gates came of age in a time and a community where homosexuality was taboo at best, and punished at worst. Gates did his best to conform to an “expected” life of a heterosexual husband, father, and practicing Jehovah’s Witness. He was married to his wife, Jane, for almost 23 years and together raised their son, Mark. However, Gates had joked he was never really “in the closet.”

“I was never too bashful about it,” Gates told Out Front Colorado during an interview last Spring, “I was in the interior design business, where you could get away with a lot. You could be flamboyant and people would say, ‘Oh that’s just the decorator in him.’”

Eventually, Gates did come out to his church and was forced to leave. Taking his excommunication as an opportunity to live authentically and connect with his community, Gates began reaching out to new friends and traveling across the country.

“He was a traveler,” his son recalled. “He would visit the gay communities from Maine to California.”

And Gates hosted countless visitors himself, turning his two-bedroom apartment into a bed and breakfast to properly and sophisticatedly host his guests.

That relentless generosity and graciousness is how Kim Gates will remember her father-in-law. “He was so giving,” she said, adding that he had a tremendous sense of humor and consistently warm presence. “He always made me laugh. And every time he talked, I smiled. He would say things like, ‘How is my favorite daughter-in-law doing?’ And of course, I’m his only daughter-in-law.”

Both Mark and Kim Gates know just how much Bobby touched his friends and the LGBT community in Denver, and just how sorely he will be missed.

“He didn’t have a lot of money, but he had a lot friends,” Mark said. “I think this made him the wealthiest man in the world.”

Though Bobby Gates’ family and friends have already hosted a ceremony to celebrate his life, donations may be made in his honor to: Hospitality Ministry of Center for Spiritual Living Denver 2590 Washington St., 80205.