The legend of Krampus

Good news for graduates of the School of Negative Reinforcement: Krampus the Christmas Demon is in this season!

An old Bavarian folktale that actually predates Christmas itself, the Alpine Pagan legend is a ghastly, horned creature with black, matted hair and a devilishly long tongue who punishes the living crap outta children who’ve been bad all year — a polar holiday opposite to jolly old St. Nick who showers do-gooders with gifts beneath a shiny, happy tree. 13th-century Norse folklore has it that Krampus is the son of Hel, the goddess ruler of the underworld.

That curmudgeonly Krampus (whose name means “claw”) carries rods made of barbed birch and horsehair, and if he’s determined that you’ve been naughty all year, there’s no preparing that backside for your annual whoopin’ that aims to teach you the virtue of behaving. Or something. If that doesn’t learn ya, some 19th-century German postcards have shown The Goat-Man Himself ripping pigtails out, leading children off a cliff, putting pre-teens in shackles, drowning little ones to death in ink and fishing out their bodies with a pitchfork, and abducting children by dragging them away into the depths of hell never to be seen by “Mama und Papa” again. Maybe those chores don’t seem so bad after all. At any rate, he shows up on Dec. 5, Krampusnacht (Krampus Night), with bells on (literally) to announce his jangly, sinister presence. In much the way that adults tiptoe into the living room to put presents under the tree, the more sadistic, Bavarian variety dress up in clothing that’ll ring out when they sneak around the windows of children’s bedrooms to scare the living crap out of them on Krampusnacht.

The ritual has come in and out of vogue, but most notably when, four years before the Third Reich overran Germany and Austria, The New York Times reported that the Austrian Fascist government had banned Krampus, claiming (among many other things) that he was socialist. After World War II, when the fascist regime had crumbled, Krampus was back in a big way. Here in America, we have Krampus Fests (NYC, Philly, and Los Angeles in particular) and Krampus (a new horror flick) hits theaters Dec. 4. Google the trailer; it looks legit.

In the meantime, be thankful (or bummed, why not?) that most of us grew up on Santa and his sweet candy canes rather than Krampus and his grisly sled of horrors.