The importance of being pom-pom

Many of you have been waiting with baited breath to find out what name Mr. Waste’s flag football team picked for their spring season. The Flaming Icicles. They did not go with any of my oh-so-clever suggestions. Their inspiration came from a pair of blue knee-high socks with orange flames.

I can hardly fault them. I always start with the accessories when putting together any kind of fabulous outfit. The same goes for a football team. Peyton Manning is quite an impressive accessory for the Broncos, don’t you think?

I am realizing my dream of being team cheerleader. The other weekend I rounded up some additional pom-pom pushers to play 12th man for the “Flamers.” We positioned ourselves at mid-field and shook both our pom-poms and our bum-bums. Every time the other team missed a catch, we hollered “IN-COM-PLETE!” We had a great time, the Flaming Icicles scored the winning touchdown, and we didn’t think too much about it.

That is, until the quarterback from the other team yanked Mr. Waste aside and asked him who those people cheerleading on the other side of the field were. “Oh, that was just my husband and some of his friends.”

“Dude, they totally got inside my head and messed up my game. I was a wreck,” confessed the pigskin tosser.

We had no idea. We had no idea that our verbal support was really making a difference in the game. But it was, and it did. The phenomenon that is the 12th man is real. A little bit of verbal support and rah-rah-rahs apparently goes a long way.

What our world needs is more cheerleaders. We have become so accustomed to just sitting and watching that we forget that our watching can be a lot more active. See someone you think is hot? Tell that person he or she looks amazing. Did the waiter or waitress serving your meal do an exceptional job? Let her or him know. Did a Republican representative vote in favor of civil unions in Colorado? Send her an email and thank her. Did that drag queen resurrect the spirit of Whitney Houston with her rendition of “I Will Always Love You”? Tip her a buck or five.

We can all be the 12th man/woman/drag queen every day of our life. Our cheering can make the difference between a bad day and a good one, between winning a game or losing one. You might feel a little silly or embarrassed. It might even be a little uncomfortable at first, but you will be making a huge difference in the life of another person. They will be inspired. They will stand a little bit taller, play a little bit better.

So break out those imaginary pom-poms – or real ones if you want – and let’s start cheering for everyone in our lives.

Stoli recently hosted the first ever Stoli Guy Model Search to find a leading male model for 2013. For years, the Stoli Girls have been running around in our bars, proffering all manner of vodka concoctions to delight our taste buds and promote their brand. But I would much rather do body shots off a nice set of six-pack abs, wouldn’t you? (Lesbians exempt from answering, unless you were just picturing a Stoli Girl with tight abs).

The contest had six preliminaries held at Charlie’s, Hamburger Mary’s and X Bar. The top three finalists from each round went on to compete at the end of May for a chance to win a yearlong modeling contract with Stoli, a year’s supply of Baskit Underwear and six months of tanning from At The Beach tanning salons. (And just how much underwear is a year’s supply? One a week? One a day? Two a day?)

We did not discriminate in our contest, so when a muscle-bound straight boy signed up at Hamburger Mary’s I was more than happy to take him back stage, strip him naked and send him on stage in a pair of very tight undies. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

His wife was not amused. Oh, she wasn’t at the contest. But when she learned her husband was parading around in nothing but his skivvies at a gay bar, she jumped out of bed still in her pajamas and ran into Club M screaming, “Where is my husband? Where is my husband?”

She yanked him out of that bar faster than trailer homes in a tornado. She was not being such a good cheerleader. Bless her heart.