The family reunion maybe once a year, but Pride should be a daily occurrence
When thinking about Pride month, and the LGBT community’s Pride, or lack of the rest of the year, I began asking around to see what other people’s opinions were.
I received a varied amount of responses from, “Yeah, where does everybody go?” to “We’re living our lives in the suburbs.” I even had two straight people say that they thought that the LGBT community was worried about its safety, if they were out and proud in public. The most troubling response was, “I know a bunch of people our age and older (I’m 44-years-old), that don’t even come to Pride anymore.”
OK wait. What?
They don’t even come to Pride anymore? Although I am many things besides being a lesbian, it is still vitally important for me to celebrate my sexuality.
As a community, we celebrate being Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, even if it’s only an “honorary” title for the day. At Cinco de Mayo, there are many revelers that are not of Mexican descent. When I lived in New York City, I celebrated Puerto Rican Day, Dominican Day even Italian American Day. None of these parades belong to my heritage. However, I enjoy being around people that are proud of who they are and where they came from. So, I expect the same on Pride.
My first Pride was in New York City, 1994. Gay Games was being held and it was also the 25th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. So, I got a quick history lesson on where “gay pride” started. The whole gay world was in NYC to welcome me to the family. I have been an enthusiastic participant at the family reunion ever since.
My enthusiasm comes more from the masses of people saying – “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” and less from the drunken episodes of “the gay and naked days of our lives.” Every year, someone, somewhere plays the ’70s hit dance song by Sister Sledge, “We Are Family.” And that’s exactly how I look at it. You are my family. We have many clans, but we are a community.
Nothing brings me more joy than walking on the streets during Pride seeing couples holding hands and kissing – in public – just like any other couple. Then PrideFest is over and those couples are gone. I see plenty of couples on the streets, but very few represent the LGBT love.
When you’re out at dinner, church, walking around the grocery store, sitting at the movies, choose a venue – this is where “we” are. However, we are not openly there. Where is the “togetherness” I witness during Pride? You know that energy that happens between people when they’re a couple. We’ll do it in our own “safe” places, but not out in front of everyone else.
Why? Are we only proud of who we are once a year? Of course not. I love my community. I had a gloriously, joyful Pride. I became reacquainted with old friends and happily made a couple of new ones. I appreciated the smallness of Denver, compared to NYC, for the first time this year. In NYC, I would never have been able to run into the street hugging my family as the parade went by.
So, let’s address this idea of the “safety” of Pride. First, let me say this, being safe does not mean hiding. Courage isn’t a lack of fear, it’s doing something anyway regardless of the fear. Being cautiously aware is not the same as hiding. I follow the motto, “come out and stay out.”
Pride Sunday was also Father’s Day, so I left the festivities to take a bus up to see my father. I was struck by how little impact Pride had on the rest of Denver. I was waiting for the bus near Coors Field and it was as though it was just another Rockies Sunday. No glitter, no rainbows, definitely no dancing in the streets; nothing was different.
That’s when I realized that the “safety” of Pride is an illusion. Hateful people will not take a moratorium on hate. If someone wants to be mean, they won’t let you have your holiday and catch you next time. We just have to go on as though everyday is Pride because no one else even knows the difference.
The more often we are open and honest about ourselves, the stronger we become as individuals and as a community. Only we can help people accept the wide range of our lives.
I am a woman of color, a Gemini, an older sister, entrepreneur, foodie, spiritual journeywoman, teacher, writer and dancer. I am also a lesbian. Proudly, I am many things. It is vital that each part of who we are is honored, everyday.
So, I am issuing a call-to-arms for PDA – “Pride Day Anyday.” It can be a Tuesday in March or a Sunday in October, love who you are everyday, be proud of all that you are and live in the joy of being you.
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