The blame game: Who’s really at fault for the impending apocalypse?

Well, it was only a matter of time. Seven days to be exact.

Gays are being blamed for Hurricane Sandy’s destruction of the east coast. At a November rally against marriage equality in Maryland, pastor Luke Robinson blamed the storm on New York City’s mayor Michael Bloomberg and the $250,000 he donated to help pass Question 6 for Maryland marriage equality.

So the gays are not being blamed directly. It’s the mayor’s fault for siding with the gays. That’s like bitch-slapping the cheerleader when the quarterback loses the game. While it might be satisfying, especially if she’s a bitch, there’s not really a direct connection.

If God was truly going for New York City, he was a bit off his mark. The eye of the storm directly hit Atlantic City, taking down most of New Jersey with it. God is supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent. I don’t see how he could miss a big old target like New York City.

No, gays and Bloomberg and New York City are not to blame. They are innocent bystanders caught in the wake of motorboat Sandy. Bless their flooded tunnels.

If we are going to assign some blame, there are much better suspects who were corralled in the eye of the storm. Let’s take a look, shall we?

The entire cast of Jersey Shore. Snooki and the gang are at the top of my list. Drunken blackouts, peeing in public and getting arrested are surely acts forbidden somewhere in the Bible. Their hair and clothes surely violate the Quran and the Vinaya Pitaka. There are several gods and religions pissed off right there. Snooki’s new baby will surely grow up to be the anti-Christ if he as anything like her mom. Another good reason for some good biblical earth purging.

Donald Trump and Trump Plaza. A most likely target – the hurricane hit Trump Plaza dead on. It was the gods’ way of telling Donald, “You’re fired!” The gods huffed and puffed but still could not blow that road kill off the Donald’s head.

Pfizer and Viagra. Pfizer, the maker of the world’s famous little blue pill, has its headquarters in New Jersey. The hurricane was the goddesses proclaiming, “There’s enough men messing up the world leading with the wrong head. We must put an end to this abundance of erections.”

White Castle and Dunkin’ Donuts. New Jersey’s culinary gifts to the world. Need I say more?

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Wiping these over-tanned, over-boobed and over-mascara-ed cougars off the face of the planet would be a Herculean quest worthy of any god or goddess.  The destruction was God’s way of saying, “There’s too many damn shows on TV about New Jersey. I’m changing this channel. Where’s my hurricane remote?”

Old Pastor Luke was off, way off, like off-his-rocker off. Take it from Sister Nuclia. When it comes to blame for natural disasters, the gods are on my Friends & Family plan.