The best chemistry: The science of falling in lust and love

By Berlin Sylvestre

Hormones.

Even breaking up the word phonetically makes for some juvenile eyebrow-raising, but when it comes to attraction, those cheeky little buggers are some serious (and seriously sexy) chemicals ensnaring humankind with playful flirtation, sexual attraction and so much more. Hormones are how cells in an organism communicate — the chemical messengers released by organs or cells to get other organs and cells to do something for the whole. Coupled with neurotransmitters, chemicals that carry messages between brain or nerve cells, they integrate the body’s 100 trillion individual cells into a coordinated system, a living being.

So what goes on in our brains and how does it affect the way we behave around potential suitors?

Imagine: you’ve noticed her noticing you at work. Ever since she complimented your perfume in the elevator (you weren’t wearing any), she’s repeatedly made her way toward your side of the office for small talk. (Is she diggin’ you, or — ?) With each conversation she seems to mischievously shrink the boundary of your personal space, until eventually you realize she smells damn good herself.

Welcome to the first phase of chemical romance: pheromones.

Pheromones are chemical signals that pass through the air to send clues about the sender’s state of being, immune system health, fertility, anxiety levels, and so on. While scientists are still divided over whether our species uses pheromones the same way plants and animals are known to, recent studies suggest they can have at least some influence in capturing romantic attention.

So now you’re dressing a little better for work. Each movement, from your walk to your sitting posture, is conscientious — you want to play it cool. The moment she arrives, however, your heart and respiratory rate quickens in a surge of excitement: the throes of another body rush, the release of norepinephrine, which keeps you on your toes (which is why it’s also produced when you’re taking medications that treat ADHD).

At lunchtime she approaches and asks what you’re having. You keep cool, displaying your brown bag and bottled water. She dismisses these things and asks what you’re eating for dinner, as in, “Do you have plans?” There’s no denying you’re flush again, loading up on dopamine, the holy grail of motivation and reward.

It’s a neurotransmitter so potent that, without being figurative, you’re under the spell of your own private drug. Dopamine floods you with a sense of reward to keep doing what you’re doing. (It’s what cocaine users are anticipating when they’re after a bag. Good thing for you, this dope dose is natural.) Dopamine is associated with the act of getting what you want, more so than the partaking of it, which is good — it’s fueling your idea-pool of ways to impress her.

Because you’re not one for the noisiness of clubs or bars, you suggest meeting at your place, which she accepts. Within minutes after you get off work, you hit the ground running, getting everything ready for a perfect dinner date. Her car pulls up (You have unlocked: norepinephrine) but you steady your breathing and put your game face on (employ: dopamine.) However, when she walks in the door with the wine you can’t help but smile like a goon, and your first-ever hug sends an electric shockwave through your body.

Welcome to The Oxytocin Show, where skin-on-skin is the way to win! Let’s meet our mascot!

Oxytocin is responsible for a number of intimacy signals. Released in the brain during physical contact, oxytocin plays a role in the sense of connection and bonding. Additionally, it lowers your heart rate and suppresses the stress hormone cortisol, allowing today’s players to take it easy. Meanwhile oxytocin has your brains taking snapshots of what’s going on, storing the images as vivid and evocative memories.

After a dinner you can’t seem to stop brushing against each other while you pour wine and put dishes away. During the ensuing movie, she keeps inching across the couch toward you. You forgo the movie for a blissful smooch-sesh and whatever it is you kids do in these situations.

When it’s time for her to peel, you share that one last moment on the porch. From the moment she walks away until the next time you’re together, you’ll be constantly on each other’s minds — to the point that it’s a little obsessive. That’s the power of serotonin, which makes both of you absolutely mad for one another. In fact, an imbalance of serotonin is believed to be one of the core reasons people with obsessive-compulsive disorder behave the way they do, and why people in romantic infatuation feel euphoric when they’re together, but anxious when they’re apart. You’ll have a hard time focusing on much more than her.

And thus, two lovers are caught in the frenzy of new love. Anyone who’s been down that path can attest: Being that vulnerable can be the highest of highs — or the lowest of lows. Let’s hope that all goes well and you’re not left crying on a lonely twin mattress in Heartbreak Hotel Googling the (very real) science of heartbreak.