Demi Rivera’s Talking Hairs is a Queer-Friendly and Neurodivergent-Friendly Salon

For a lot of LGBTQ people, as well as people on the autism spectrum or other neurodivergent people, a hair salon can be an intimidating place. The lights, the noise, the commotion of people, and most of all, the potential judgement, are all terrifying. Especially for trans and gender expansive people, there’s always the difficulty of getting stuck with a stylist who doesn’t accept or relate to you, or who simply doesn’t do what you ask because they believe you need to conform to their idea of what your gender should be. Demi Rivera (she/they) hopes to change that.

Rivera’s salon—named Talking Hairs after the influential art-punk and new wave band the Talking Heads—is designed to be a more comfortable place for queer and neurodivergent people. Their salon features things like fidget toys and filtered florescent lights to make neurodivergent people more comfortable in the environment. She also has an open and accepting attitude towards LGBTQ clients and is always ready to listen to what the client wants instead of forcing their own beliefs on someone. And I’m not saying that simply as a journalist looking in from the outside. I say that as someone who has been one of Rivera’s clients for over a year.

Demi has been an important part of my own personal journey to find gender euphoria with my hair as a neurodivergent trans woman with an, ahem… less than perfect hairline. For years I tried to figure out how to make my hair look more feminine by myself with little help from stylists because I didn’t know for certain who was safe and whom I could trust. I also feared the overstimulating environment of a full-sized hair salon. So when I heard about Rivera’s studio and the fact that they were a queer person who caters specifically to queer and neurodivergent people, I was intrigued. When I heard she named the salon after the Talking Heads, I was completely sold. And Rivera is a big part of the reason why I can look myself in the mirror and smile.

Because of all that, when the opportunity came for me to interview Demi for OFM, I jumped at the opportunity to tell all of Denver—and all of the world, for that matter—how great my hairdresser is.

How did you get into doing hair in the first place?

That was, I guess, my grandmother. My dad’s mom is a hair stylist, so I grew up hanging out around her home studio space and hanging out around that culture. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to do hair until right after high school. I was trying to decide whether I should go to art school, which is what I had planned on, or go to cosmetology school because I had an interest in it. But I didn’t really know what to do. So it ended up being a shot that I just ended up taking, and I wasn’t really sure how I was going to like it. I ended up liking it a lot, (and) I wanted to stick with it.

What made you want to start your own salon then?

Mainly just working in a full-size salon and having sensory issues going along with that. It wasn’t viable for me to work in a group setting anymore, so I wanted to go out and work on my own just so I can have a little bit more privacy and control over my environment for myself and my clients.

And has it been a big advantage being on your own in a business opposed to working for someone else?

Yes! I think there are definitely drawbacks as well, like I end up spending a lot more money trying to run everything myself. But honestly, I think I would prefer it that way. There’s more freedom. There’s more control over my environment, which is something that I really need to have when I’m working.

You always say you cater specifically to the queer and neurodivergent community. How exactly do you make your studio a safe place for those communities?

Well, for both of them, I think having a little bit of one-on-one privacy with people is a safety thing. So, having people in here one at a time, I feel like (it) enables me to be able to completely focus on the person. But also, I feel like I have to work with my own community in that way. I feel like I’m able to serve them a little bit better because I understand them from that perspective, just really trying to cater to people in terms of whoever’s sitting in my chair. I want to make them look the best that they can and go in the direction that they want to go. That’s just really my goal. So putting that first and trying to be excited and focused on every client that comes in the door. It’s just as if I knew them for years and years. That’s my biggest thing.

One thing I remember from your website when I first started coming here, I remember you offered quiet appointments as well. I didn’t see that anymore when I checked the website, and I always liked that that was an option. I’ve never taken you up on it because I love talking to you, but I always like knowing that there was that option if I was ever overstimulated one day. Is that’s still an option for people?

Totally! Yeah, I just have it more as a put-it-in-the-appointment-note-if-it’s-needed sort of thing rather than having it as a whole separate service. I suppose I probably could put it up as a separate service to really grab people’s attention maybe, just have it set at a similar price to the other ones. But yeah, anyone’s always welcome to let me know in the note when they book, “Hey, I’m just not feeling very talkative today, can I have a silent appointment?” And I will honor that 100%.

Because I always hate going to Great Clips and having a conversation with someone I have nothing in common with.

Totally.

I know you always talk about how you’re not just catering to the queer and neurodivergent communities, but you’re also part of them. How do you think that that informs what you do?

I think that lived experience is the experience you can’t beat by just simply educating yourself from an outside perspective. I was diagnosed with autism in 2019, so I was still trying to figure out how I related to people in that way. And I researched it and learned more about myself. And I felt like I had a lot of space to be there for people when they came in dealing with similar things to me that I just had to apply all of those coping mechanisms and environmental control to my customers so that they can also have a really pleasant experience, and they don’t have to worry about any of the other stuff that neither of us really want to deal with. So that definitely is (an) advantage. I feel that I don’t have to necessarily ask people, “Oh, do these sorts of things bother you?” Yes, all of us are pretty different, but I can assume certain things like the noise and trying to filter the fluorescent light out.

But yeah, being part of the community has been really important to me in the last few years just because, during the pandemic, I didn’t really feel like I had much of a community. I grew up in a fairly religious household, so I didn’t know really what LGBTQ  people were like. And then, by the time I got into high school, (I realized), “Oh, I’m allowed to be something other than straight because I’m not being forced into the church and whatnot.” I really dove into, “OK, I am bi, (and) I know I can act on that.” And I really started to fit into that community pretty quickly realizing that this is a thing that I can do, and I’m accepted, and I’m loved there. I meet a lot of people that have had similar situations with religious trauma and being in the middle of all of that. And so that helps me connect to people on a deeper level as well.

Why do you think it’s important to have a salon that’s a safe space for the for those communities?

Because there (are) really not very many of them. There are definitely more queer salons that are popping up (and) people who are safe but maybe don’t work in a designated safe salon, which is kind of tricky. There’s just not a lot of places for us to go, especially not for neurodivergent people. I think once I got diagnosed and took a step back, I realized, OK, maybe I’m, at least as of right now, one of the only people in the Denver area that has this kind of extra experience and is looking to cater something for people like myself. So there’s just not a lot of options.

Even regular, full-size salons, they don’t really accommodate people in that way. My recommendation to a lot of places (is) even just that they could have sensory friendly hours, that would be really a good improvement in the community. But I just don’t really see it happening. A lot of salons like to be the loud place. They like to be the sociable place and that sort of thing, which is fine. And I know there are people who enjoy that, and I am happy for them that they get to have that. But there’s definitely been a lot of discomfort around that. And I meet a lot of autistic people who, until meeting me, they had avoided cutting their hair for years and years because they couldn’t find somewhere they felt like they could safely put in earplugs and just sit there and let somebody work on them. There was not a lot of flexibility.

I meet a lot of people from all over the state; I’ve had a few people come from out of state. And I definitely hope that in the future that I’m not the only one that’s doing this. But, as of right now, at least in this area, I’m trying to do what I can to fill that gap a little bit.

As a punk fan, I’ve always loved that you have, like, this whole punk and new wave theme. I think it would have been a great environment for me no matter what, but that really sold me on the place. Why did you want to make Talking Heads and punk and new wave your theme?

I feel like letting clients express their special interest is a big thing for me. And so I wanted to decorate my space based on that as well. Since the Talking Heads are probably my favorite band, (I’m) really trying to lean into my own niche style in that way and what I thought would look good but also knowing that my clients can appreciate that as my special interest. I’m very into that genre and very into the band. And then I feel like all the colors mesh pretty well together. I don’t know; I kind of just went for it. I started throwing stuff up and then realized there was a little bit more of a theme than I had intended on. So then I just tried to lean into the theme a little bit. (But) mainly I don’t really feel like I’ve seen it anywhere. You’ll see the occasional alternative/goth salon. I haven’t really seen anything on the on the punk side of it.

I don’t think you had the Poly Styrene poster and X-Ray Spex vinyl last time I was here, and that’s awesome.

Yeah, I just got that print of her recently, so I waited to bring the vinyl in until I could get her up on the wall.

I love that album. So what’s been your favorite experience in working in your own salon?

I think the main thing is meeting people that are very closely aligned to me in terms of disability and identity. Then I don’t also feel that added pressure of having to work on heteronormative (people) or work (on) neurotypical people where I don’t feel like I’m being understood either. It’s also a symbiotic thing where I don’t feel like I have to explain myself to people. And so I really enjoy my time with my clients, pretty much anybody who comes in, because I feel like they breathe a sigh of relief that they don’t have to pretend to be something they’re not, and  I don’t have to do that either. I don’t feel like I have to mask or put on a face in front of coworkers or salon owners.

And what are your goals for your business that you’re working towards in the future?

Ideally, I think in the future, I would eventually like to move to a bigger space if I could. I’m not sure if I want to have a full-size salon with multiple people, but I wouldn’t mind maybe having one other person as long as they’re vetted and keeping the salon a sensory friendly environment. But for now, I’m trying to still get the ball rolling with my own smaller side of the business. And then, I would like to keep doing hair for as long as I can, but if my physical disabilities keep me from doing that a long time in the future, I hope that I can, at least, start to train other beauty professionals to be a little bit more neurodivergent-friendly and be more queer-friendly and be accepting, and offer that training to solo independent stylists or full-size salons and trying to inch people in the right direction. Because I feel like that that’s the other thing that needs to happen is the rest of the industry needs to get on board.

You can book an appointment with Demi here. Follow them on Facebook and Instagram to keep up with her salon.

Photo by Ivy Owens