Tales of a Fierce, Fat, Fit, Femme: Food is Not the Enemy

Society has really done a number on us when it comes to food, and I’m not just talking about those of us who can use “fat” as a reclaimed term. It’s an issue for all of us, whether we are sensitive about food because we think we eat too much of it, too little of it, too infrequently, too frequently; we’re too picky or too food-loving; too healthy, or we indulge too much. 

It’s really ridiculous when you think about it. Unlike alcohol or drugs, or even sex, every single one of us need food on the daily just to stay alive. Yes, food addiction is real, but it’s a complex addiction because no one can just quit food cold turkey. And it’s precisely this balance that makes a healthy relationship with food so elusive. 

This past year, I’ve been dealing with a taste issue left over from a very mild case of COVID. It started with the inability to taste, like most COVID patients, for longer than is usual after a cold or flu, and then morphed into my taste coming back, but different. All of a sudden, things that I practically lived on, like coffee and cilantro (I’m a huge Mexican food fan), became entirely unpalatable and disgusting. Smells that used to fill me with seasonal euphoria, like brewed coffee, burned cannabis and sage, or blowing out a candle, now just smell like burnt rubber. 

Through this struggle, it’s hard not to have unhealthy feelings about food and eating pop back up. For instance, the first thing a lot of people say to me when they hear about it is, “Wow, I’m jealous. I wish food tasted awful to me!” or “Wow, you’re going to lose so much weight!”

First of all, how heartbreaking is it that people are literally jealous that food tastes awful to me! And second of all, any time a plus-sized person hears something like “Now you’ll finally lose weight,” their deepest fears about their inadequacy due to their weight are confirmed. 

But the worst thing is, I also have these thoughts. It’s hard for me not to hear a little voice whispering in my ear that it’s good if certain foods don’t taste right, and that it’s for the best because I’ll eat less, and that if the smell of food is unpleasant, great, I won’t have as much of an appetite. And now that my sense of smell and taste are slowly returning to normal, that little voice is a little disappointed, although the rest of me is rejoicing. 

So, what can we do about this impossible pressure around food? Well, if I had the answer, I’d probably be some kind of dietary superstar instead of working where I am, but I can try and share this little bit of wisdom I try to keep with me. Food and eating are forms of self-care, so try and eat in a way that both treats yourself here and there but also honors your nutritional needs. And above all, get stoked on good food and good flavor profiles. Like so many other things, COVID has shown us that everything in life can be taken away, so keep eating, and love every bite.