Surefire ways to heat up your sex life

Take the time to figure out what your wants and needs are, communicate and appreciate yourself — you’ll be sizzling in the sack in the most satisfying ways! Here are some tips on how to get the sex life you’ve always wanted.

Think about what it is that YOU actually want and need. It’s easy to get caught up in social definitions of what it means to have good sex; lots of scream, clawing of each others’ backs, and of course, the often discussed (and often elusive) simultaneous orgasm. But take a moment to consider what you enjoy; maybe hours of oral sex or some sexy power play, or even watching porn with your lover. The first step towards fulfillment is being authentic to you.

Get to know your body on your own. How can you give your partner guidance between the sheets if you don’t even know what it takes to get your motor revving? Enjoy a little ringing of southern bells, clicking of the five-fingered mouse, or whatever you like to call your time flying solo, and really figure out what it is that makes you tick.

Bring up the conversation with your partner(s). It might not be the best conversation when you’re in the middle of getting it on, but prepare to communicate with your sexual partner about what you need to feel sexually fulfilled. Try the compliment sandwich; start with something they are doing incredibly well, suggest a change you’d like to see in your sex life, and finish up with how much they turn you on!

Ask your partner for feedback. It takes two to tango, and that’s also true for the mattress mambo. In addition to sharing your sexual desires with your lover, make sure you hear what your partner needs and wants. If you’re both working to meet each other’s sexual needs, everybody wins.

Think outside the box (pun intended). We live in a world of sexual tropes; if you work outside of these norms, you may find yourself enjoying many things you never would have even considered. Think about checking out a kinky play party, investing in some quality sex toys, becoming superior at sensual massage or trying out Tantra. Sex is more than inserting A into B: enjoy the entire spectrum of sexuality!