Super Villains to Avoid or Defeat
IN A WORLD PLAGUED WITH social atrocities, these gay super villains attempt to destroy our happy way of life for their own selfish benefit. Their abilities make them appear powerful, but their actions are vile. It’s important to recognize these individuals quickly and discover their associated Kryptonite which can render them powerless. Become your own superhero by learning how to take these villains down before they have the opportunity to cause negativity in our lives.
CAPTAIN CRITICAL
He infiltrates your parties to talk-trash the food and the people in attendance. No matter the event or situation, he could have done it better. He also uses his powers to provide psychic commentary on everything wrong with people and the lives who surround him. Unfortunately for us, his power of entitlement shields him from seeing all the messed-up qualities about himself.
PROFESSOR PERFECTION
He’s one of the most attractive villains in town and appears to live the perfect life, especially because he tells everyone how amazing he is. In reality, these powers of false image are most likely covering up some large insecurities and a need to overcompensate.
DR. DRUNKIE
His powers of bad alcoholic breath and overpowering verbal attacks can bring you to your knees or can stealthily consume your favorite bottle of adult beverage at your party behind your back. He may attempt to use his other powers to subdue you sexually, but these abilities are often also affected by booze, rendering his penis functionless.
BLINDING BANDIT
Using his powers of deception, he can put you under a spell that may compel you to give him money or emotional support. He will use you for all he can, then act surprised when his power to pull your strings disappears as you vanquish his hold over you. Unfortunately, it’s generally after a long period of successful hypnotism.
MR. IMMEDIATE
This villain acknowledges you only when you can fulfill a need for him. It may be that he is horny or could benefit from your advice. Maybe he needs help moving his secret lair to a new, undisclosed location, or it may be 2am and he needs someone to fulfill his frisky needs after exhausting all of his other options.
THE SHADOW
He lurks in the dark corners waiting to make his move. The heavy breathing and piercing stare signals impending doom for his victims. This villain probably won’t attack you, but his superpowers are still kind of creepy and make us feel uneasy.
THE SCARLET BEYATCH
His bitchy powers directed at us unfortunately have the ability to diminish our own self-esteem superpowers if we don’t put up our defenses.
SUPER SUCKER
Not only does this villain suck all the fun out of a room, he also has the ability to drain the enjoyment out of peoples’ lives. His evil powers are replenished by those who allow themselves to be bled dry emotionally or while listening to Super Sucker’s long, drawn-out, whiney stories.
HASTY HUSBAND
He can go from a pleasant social exchange to getting on one knee with flowers, a ring, and smothering powers that cause instant feelings of discomfort.
THE CANCELER
This villain makes fantastic-sounding plans, then either proceeds to cancel five minutes before he’s supposed to show up or just blow off his commitments completely. His powers are replenished by absorbing the emotional energy of others who are unfortunate enough to make plans with him.
What's Your Reaction?
