Stuff Gay People Like: Fall clothing

There are two great urges that gay men have when it comes to clothing: there is dressing up, and dressing down. On one hand not much can compare with the sultry days of Pride season, when the homosexual community romps across the city in short-shorts and too-tight-tanks. It is a gay man’s great joy to show off his physique, even if, in some cases, he doesn’t have much of one. But for many, it is an even greater joy to hit the shopping centers hard when it’s time to layer up for the chilly season; his love of fashion is all that exceeds his love of skin.

Southern California is a bizarre place. It is where 20-somethings and even 30-somethings dress “punk” or “prep” or “jock” like they’re in high school, and refuse to give up on their dreams of forming a rock band until they’re 40. (Sadly, California is the future of America when it comes to pretty much anything.) But when it is fall, anywhere on Earth that there are gay people is just like California. Out come the argyle sweaters and the second-hand hipster jackets and the golf hats cocked stylishly to the side. Out come the skinny jeans and the dirty jeans and the torn jeans and holy shit now, so many scarves and jackets. There is no “average” Joe on the street – every gay man has a look, even if it’s a shitty one. Even if a gay man has no style at all, the others will assume it is an intentional statement. “You have that ‘straight guy look!'” they’ll tell you.

One thing gay men love to do this time of year is criticize your ratty-ass shoes. Nice shoes wear out extremely quickly, and if for you they are just about utility and you aren’t willing to own 50 pairs or buy new ones every few weeks, be prepared for negative feedback. “Whose ugly shoes are these by the door?” you’ll hear when your date is over. “Oh, sorry, they’re yours? I thought they were my roommate’s,” the critic will lie as you purse your lips in annoyance.

A gay man’s liberalism is in check when it comes to clothes; while he prides himself of being alternative and contrary to society in his thinking on sex, relationships and intoxicants, brand names are still extremely important. Expensive clothes are not about corporatism or privilege; they are art, he argues, and fall is the season that it becomes most apparent.

Stuff Gay People Like (SGPL) is a satirical/cultural column featured in Out Front Colorado. Visit the Facebook Page or view the whole list.

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