Speak Out: Remembering Matthew Shepard

By Judy Shepard

October is very hard for me.

It’s not that the early autumn in Wyoming isn’t beautiful. If you haven’t experienced the crisp air as the nights come earlier each day, or the last few cricket chirps of the season that follow the brilliant orange sunsets, you can’t really know the peaceful, quiet contemplation this time of year brings those of us who make our homes here.

But it’s those cues, these turns of the calendar pages, that remind me of the tragedy that autumn brought us 14 years ago, and start us reflecting on what our family and our society have learned from it.

But here he was in intensive care, the victim of a terrible, senseless attack at the hands of two other young men who had learned it was OK to hate others for being different, to victimize them, to disregard their humanity.

Matt passed away quietly in the early morning hours of Oct. 12, 1998, with his family at his bedside. He died because of violence fueled by anti-gay hatred. For a lot of reasons, some of which we will probably never quite understand, the world had been watching, praying for him, and voicing their outrage.

October cannot go by anymore, and never will again, without us wondering what might have been, for us and for so many other families, if hatred of gay, and lesbian, and bisexual, and transgendered people, and all those whom others simply think might be, had been rooted out.

In the painful months that followed Matt’s death, we came to understand a lot of things we never knew before: about hate crimes. We learned about the LGBT community and its long struggle for acceptance and equality. Yet most of all, we learned about the fear so many otherwise good people had in their hearts about their gay neighbors, coworkers and family members.

We set about creating a legacy for Matt. He had always been interested in politics, human rights and LGBT equality. With the support and sympathy of the thousands who wrote us and the millions who were touched by his death, we decided to try to make a difference in his name.

The Matthew Shepard Foundation stands up for the LGBT community and its straight allies in Matt’s memory. We are a modest organization, but we do our part and persuade others to do theirs, as well. We pushed – for a long, long time – for federal hate crime legislation that includes LGBT people. That finally happened three years ago – one more step forward. We go to schools and companies and community groups to implore everyone there to embrace diversity. We try to give young people hope, despite their parents’ or peers’ rejection of them, that they have a bright future. We keep Matt’s story alive and look to turn bystanders into activists.

It’s been such a long, sometimes tiring journey, but a rewarding one, as well. The coming out stories that young people tell me, slowly, almost imperceptibly, got better.

We all have a role to play. We all have our story to tell. When we all finally stand up and demand equality, the scourge of hatred will wither and disappear. And maybe we can all have our Octobers back to enjoy for what they’re meant to be – a season to see, celebrate, change.

The Matthew Shepard Foundation’s annual Bear to Make a Difference Gala is on Sat., Oct. 13, at the Seawell Grand Ballroom in downtown Denver. Tickets and more info here.