Sexpert: Shaping your sexual vocabularies

Dear Shanna —

I’m dating a new guy and we have awesome chemistry, the sex is great, and he’s really hot. But he has some weird names for my penis, like meat, mushroom head and love rod. I want to respect him but it takes everything I have not to burst out laughing. It just isn’t sexy to me at all. What should I do?

— No Hot Beef Injection Needed in North Denver

Dear No Hot Beef Injection Needed,

Language is incredibly important to almost every facet of our lives and sex is no exception. From how we define our relationships (boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, spouse, husband/wife, friends with benefits, boo, honey) to what we call what we’re doing (the mattress mambo, going downtown, tossing a salad, breakfast of champions, strapping it on), the words we use have incredible influence in our interactions.

Talking about what terms each of you prefers for sexual activities and body parts are an important part of communications, especially if it’s a more long-term relationship.

Each of us has words for activities and anatomy that turn us on, words that we’re neutral on or maybe just amused by and words that absolutely make us grit our teeth and turn us off. Before you sit down with your new guy and talk about what isn’t working for you, think about some of the words you do find hot. Is it medically-accurate language, like “penis?” Casual slang like “dick?” Words from a romance novel, like “sword sheathed in velvet?” When you have this little chat, you can share a few options of terms you like and ask your partner for his. Together you can come up with a common list of terms you both either enjoy or feel neutral about. The next time you get it on, you can bust out your new preferred terms and have some satisfaction that won’t leave you gagging on giggles.

Best wishes on getting your needs met!

Shanna