Ask The Sexpert: Strapping it on in style

Dear Shanna – 

I’m feeling pretty confident with my strap-on skill set, but it’s hard to be sexually spontaneous when the mood strikes and I’m not already strapped on and ready to go. Any tips or suggestions?

— Striving for Spontaneity in Castle Rock

Dear Striving for Spontaneity,

This question that befalls many of us: how do we go from zero to sixty — or even zero to thirty — in the bedroom when we have to take the sometimes-awkward pause of getting the equipment on and ready to take off? You’re definitely not alone.

The good news is there are lots of options. First, depending on the situation, you can strap on beforehand. For most harness and dildo combos this won’t work if you’ll be going out in public (unless you’re into looking like you’re packing heat and/or a huge boner), but if your partner is coming home in the next 20 minutes and you’re looking to show them a good time, consider strapping it on and then re-dressing yourself. Your love will be in for a pleasant surprise as the clothes come off.

If you do want to strap on before you go out and about, consider a pack-to-play dildo such as Silky from Vibratex, a Pack N’ Play from Tantus, Inc, or a Shilo from the New York Toy Collective — those are softer dildos that pack well, and straighten out to get into the action. Paired with a low profile harness like the Sportsheet’s Bare as You Dare harness, it’s a great option for spontaneity.

Another option is to work it into your sexual play time. Consider blindfolding your partner to give you a little wiggle room while your work your way into your harness. As long as you keep talking, they might not even really what you’re doing until you’re ready to go. Also, if you have a harness you can adjust in advance (like anything from Spareparts Hardwear or Aslan Leather), slipping it on takes just seconds. It’s also definitely ok to practice in private before show time; it will boost your cock confidence and make you seem super smooth in the strap on department.

Lastly, it’s ok to be a little awkward, obvious, or both. Real sex is awkward at times. Putting it on as a team can be a fun, playful, and even bonding for some partners; it can also be a great way to display active, non-verbal consent. It’s ok to recognize that bodies and toys and sex and all of that are not always smooth and flawless; being real about it can take off some of the pressure and keep things comfortable for all involved.