Sexpert: Are Sex Toys Salvageable?

Dear Shanna,

When I was dating my ex-boyfriend, I spent a pretty significant amount of money on sex toys — cock rings, butt plugs, you name it. After we broke up, I kept all the toys, because I was the one who had paid for them. Now that I’m dating a new cutie, I’m wondering if I can share those toys with him, or if I need to start from scratch.

Reduce and Reuse in Denver.

Dear Reduce and Reuse,

That is a great question. Sex toys can certainly add up in cost over time, especially if you are buying higher-end items that are going to last you a long time … but are also more likely to put a dent in your wallet.

From a purely physical/safety perspective, some materials can be sterilized, and others cannot. If your butt plugs, cock rings, etc. are made of a material that can be sterilized (100% medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, aluminum, glass, ceramic, or corian), you can clean them and reuse them, either for yourself or with your new boy toy. To sterilize, you can put the items in boiling water for three to five minutes, on the top shelf of your dishwasher for a super-hot cycle, or — especially in the case of items that vibrate, or have fancy designs that might include things like crystals — you can wipe them down with a 10 percent bleach solution, let them dry, then rinse them off. Doing this will kill any existing bacteria (yours or your ex’s) on the toys. Don’t forget that you shouldn’t share butt toys without either using a condom or sterilizing them, even if you are both fluid bound, because each of your asses has different bacteria.

Toys made of different materials, like jelly, TPR, leather, plastic, etc. are a no-go for sharing. You cannot sterilize those materials, so those are one-person/one-partner toys. Either hold onto them for the memories, use them yourself for some solo play time, or hold a bonfire and let them go (just kidding — please don’t burn jelly toys … I have no idea what that would do to the environment!).

The one thing to think about is the more emotional side: Do you think your new partner would care that you bought the toys for someone else (even if they were sterilized), or is he just excited to try them out and could care less about how they came to be in your possession? Think about how you would like to be treated in these circumstances, and how you think he will feel, and make your decisions about sharing based on that.

Best of luck!

Shanna.