Seven modern myths about gay men

Last October we ran a feature on obnoxious myths and stereotypes about lesbians — online at ofcnow.co/Ute — but I know gay dudes get some really weird questions or assumptions from time to time as well.

Guys, it’s your turn. Good thing you’ve got a lesbian pal who’s not afraid to get to the (ahem) bottom of all this mystery. You ready?

“All gay men are into anal”

Not every gay male prefers taking the backroads to PoundTown. There are so many avenues to reach sexual fulfillment that don’t include anal and if any crew is gonna spend time researching them, we can trust our guys with this one. Fun fact: Some guys prefer intercrural sex (lubing and penetrating the thighs) and frottage (dry-humping). The more you know …

“Gay men are cruising 24/7”

In spite of the primetime stereotypes of gay men who lower their shades and “haaaaay” nearly every fit guy who walks by, gay men in real life have more things going on upstairs than sex. It’s a bummer to realize that people actually fret about gays being at their gym or at work (“Is he going to check my package in the locker room?” or “I bet the gay dude at work is being nice because he wants to bone.”) Tsk. Gay men are completely capable of leaving their sex life out of the public arena.

“Gay men just want to be women”

Yes, it’s true that some gay men impersonate females. Sure, some gay dudes dig women’s jeans. Sometimes gay men have “girly” mannerisms, but no: all gay men don’t secretly wish they had vaginas. It’s no secret that most of them absolutely love their penis — even the female impersonators. Besides, there are completely heterosexual men (as in strictly chickly) who get their kink on from time to time in women’s underwear. Sexuality and its expression is all over the map.

“Gay men are sissies”

Crack open any magazine that’s marketed to gay men and what’re you looking at? Muscles. Muscles everywhere. How’d they get those muscles? By training like gym beasts, lifting heavy stuff, sweating, grunting, swearing and loving every testosterone-packed minute of it. Now go into a gay bar and take a look. Muscles stretching the fabric of tasteful clothing of someone you definitely don’t want to call a sissy. Good thing for us, fist-fights at the gay bar are few and far between. If the gay male default setting for a masculinity display was knocking in the teeth of other guys, we’d be in big trouble.

“Gay men don’t like sports”

Apart from being born in cities that have sports teams (“Go Broncs!”) and going to schools with mascots that give them the warm fuzzies, gay men can appreciate the universal appeal of athleticism, camaraderie and contention that sports can really bring out in people. In fact, athletes are coming out of the closet and it’s an almost sure bet that more will follow suit within the next few years. Tell these guys they know nothing about “the game.”

The next two are, for me, the worst of the lot. The ones above are annoying, but these here are pretty outrageous and go for any member of
the community.

“Gay men were sexually abused as kids, turning them gay”

Not only is that a disdainful topic that shouldn’t be brought up (unless you’re the poor guy’s therapist, maybe), it’s one of the most offensive assumptions ever. I mean, were all straight people sexually assaulted as kids, kickstarting their sexuality? If someone had never experienced sexual abuse at all, would they end up being asexual? That. Is friggin’. Stupid. Dude. I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt on this one, but the train of thought that it takes to arrive here is creepy and deplorable. That’s why I’ve always spoken up when someone so much as appeared to be heading this way. Speaking of not-able-to-hold-my-tongue-when-the-subject-comes-up, the final myth which states …

“Gay men haven’t been with enough women to realize they can be straight”

People can inflict some real psychological damage on others with this one, pressuring gay men to do the horizontal tango with a person they don’t want to be sexual with. It’s not only sadistic, it’s counterproductive. The trauma of “faking straight” in the bedroom has been the subject of many jokes, but it’s akin to a form of self-sexual abuse that, once you’ve had enough, will mostly likely end up on the list of things you’ll never ever do again. This “you need to go hetero for awhile to see what it’s all about” myth comes with a deep, dark burden that is sinister and unjust. (See: corrective rape, gay conversion therapy.)