Self-Naming as Self Love

One thing that nonbinary folx excel at is rebranding themselves. As with trans binary people, we often don’t feel like our birth names are fitting for the person we are—too masculine, too feminine, or just plain too boring. So we make our own.

The conservatives and cis folks often give us grief for this, which is wild. Is your grand-dad’s real name Rich, or Bob, or Bud? Give me a break. Liz? Becky? Deedee? I could go on and on. I don’t know where their exasperation about our new names comes from, maybe jealousy over our creativity. Maybe they are bitter because they themselves are so limited. Either way, we are here today to celebrate the amazing artistry of nonbinary self-naming! Let’s get into it.

For trans and nonbinary folx, your name, the first thing you are given in this life, often just doesn’t fit the bill. For feminine folx, would you stick with Frank? If you identify as masc, would you stick with Cecelia? Doubtful. So, here are some things I’ve learned from my fellow enbies.

These names were often unusual and image-evoking, or representative of how the participant wanted to feel moving forward in their life. Finding a name is reminiscent of a healing process, like positive self-talk, reaffirming who they want to be in this life going forward, moving towards gender euphoria.

For Amara (whose name was changed for anonymity in the study), the new name was a beacon of energy they wanted to bring into their life. “I was doing spiritual work with myself, and I didn’t want to be in pain anymore, and I could see the correlation between (name and experience) … I literally thought about that. What do I want to attract into my life, what spoke to me.”

For students, schools that allowed them to change their names in the system and for IDs were a source of great joy. As bureaucratic institutions are often rigid in their operations, allowing students to go by their chosen name and pronouns gives them a sense of peace and belonging at a place where they are meant to be learning and growing. For teachers at other institutions who did not respect these wishes, participants expressed dysphoria and grief, often feeling personally disrespected by the people who were supposed to be educating them. One person, after coming out at a university overseas, was forced to change their thesis and move to another department in order to graduate. OVER A NAME AND PRONOUN.

Other institutions like healthcare facilities can go either way as well. In the past, it was much harder to find gender-affirming care, but now queer Facebook pages and other resources make it a point to name providers that are respectful and affirming—a trend that will hopefully continue.

“Think outside the bun … but, like, with gender.”