Searching for the wrong soul mate

Many times when we’re looking for a boyfriend, partner, husband, date or just a reliable friend–with–benefits, we hope for a person who makes our eyes bug out and groin pulse with anxious excitement – but it’s unfortunate that many times when this happens, that physical amazement isn’t enough to forge an exciting relationship and our interest quickly fades.

If you are looking to causally date, then a high level of compatibility doesn’t necessarily need to be there. You can focus on physical attraction and enjoyment of activities, while philosophical beliefs and childhood traumas don’t matter as much. When someone is truly looking for a person to explore a deeper relationship, there are infinitely more factors that are even more important to assess than physical attraction.

Of course, we generally begin our search by looking for someone physically attractive. There is nothing wrong with desiring an attractive person, but this may one of the most significant stumbling blocks in finding a great guy. Strange enough, some of the most fulfilling and long-lasting relationships may not be with the spitting image of the person you imagined. Much of relationship compatibility comes from a variety of other aspects. One of the biggest parts of online matchmaking websites is matching profiles based on analyzing multiple compatibilities including beliefs, interests, perceptions, dirty activities and life goals.

I understand that there has to be something that initially attracts you to that person. In truth, physical attraction is usually one of the first things that smacks us across the face. But much like any advertisement, the visual component can be appealing, but the quality, taste, smell, consistency, availability, and satisfaction of that product will dictate if a person will keep coming back for more.

There are quirks and neurotic behaviors that each of us possess that make us strange and unique. We all have issues and challenges that have hurt and empowered us. As far as our past, remember it is important to have complimentary baggage, but it doesn’t need to match. Having many of the same concerns doesn’t necessarily help a relationship grow and flourish. It is absolutely crucial to have effective and healthy communication to navigate any difficulty. It is also important to try to identify someone’s idiosyncrasies and patterns that are intriguing, challenging, frustrating and adorable.

There is so much intricacy in relationships with other people. Not only are we all complicated and unique individuals, but interpersonal relationships come with their own set of complexities. You need to get past the superficial beauty of someone and into their gooey center to find out if there is true compatibility. Take some time to dive inside and snoop around if you really want to get to know someone. The outer layer is the easiest to fake and the inside is the most important to love if you are going to find that wonderful relationship.

Here is one last important thought. Get into relationship to compliment – not complete – you. If you feel like an incomplete person, then work on filling yourself up with success and confidence. Insecurity will tear apart relationships and lead people into doing things with people that is outside their comfort zone. There is a huge difference between “good” and “good enough.” If you are on a primary hunt to find a partner, you may be willing to settle for less than you should. Being open to finding a partner is a great mindset to experience, but if it leads into desperation in searching, you may end up with a dud instead of a stud.

That amazing relationship can be around the corner, but be careful about glossing over someone that could be a fantastic person in your life. Don’t get overly fixated on what Prince Studly will look like. Be focused on finding someone worthy of being in your life and fulfilling to be around.