Scientology is Scary [Opinion]

Kyle Harris

Few things are as scary as religion. Consider the monstrous, crucified Jesus dying only to rise again and walk the earth like a zombie; or the symbolic cannibalism known as communion; or war after war after war, one zealot murdering the other in the name of divinity.

Looking at the body count of believers, how could anybody with a drop of scruples invent a religion knowing the consequences of faith?

Well, America’s youngest Eagle Scout and prolific pulp fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard did.

His acolytes brag that he founded the only major 20th century religion. And just like most religions, Scientology has already garnered a nasty reputation for abuse, exploitation, and yes, even homophobia, in the name of purity, truth, and freedom.

The church denounces psychiatry. Instead of therapy, members go through “audits.” Volunteer auditors hook people up to “E-Readers,” which work a bit like lie-detector tests, but instead measure a person’s emotional response to memories.

The auditors ask questions, delving into past traumas, sometimes going so far back that people end up talking about life before birth. Even
past lives.

After all, according to Scientology, people aren’t mortal. Our bodies have nothing to do with who we really are. In our purest form, we are “Thetan.”

Their creation story, as published in the Los Angeles Times, goes something like this: 75 million years ago, a dictator named Xenu, overlord of the Galactic Confederacy, tried to suppress a rebellion by tricking dissidents into coming to Teegeeack, the planet now known as Earth. Facing overpopulation, he ordered the beings to be thrown into volcanoes and destroyed with hydrogen bombs, killing the people, but liberating their souls.

The souls— known in Scientology parlance as Thetans — attached themselves to human bodies. We are Thetan; we are immortal.

As odd as the mythology is, it pales in comparison to the horror stories exposed by Lawrence Wright in the New Yorker. His balanced article, “The Apostate” cites a flurry of accusations: The Church of Scientology traffics humans, tears apart families, ostracizes gay members, and brainwashes devotees into spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on classes.

David Miscavige, the church leader, beats his staff and followers, slanders dissidents, and wages legal battles against critics, say many ex-Scientologists that Wright quotes.

But it doesn’t take an insider look to get the willies. Just watch the propaganda videos the church mails out, and you can take a free trip into their theological haunted house. Only, you won’t see cobwebs, chainsaws, and corpses; you’ll see lots chrome, smiling true believers, and promises of a happy, pain-free life — all promises so good, they seem dangerous.

“This is an invitation to freedom. Man can save his soul. Like a bright cool dawn after a night of prison and thunder, you can taste that freedom,” a Scientology promo video boasts. “You are a spirit. You are your own soul. You are not mortal. You can be free. You have been invited.”

Audit, anyone?

Check out our other Halloween stories from this issue:

• Colorado’s Ghost Towns
• Ouija, Is Anyone Here?
• Five Haunted Hospitals
• Messages from Beyond the Grave
• Netflix Instant Screaming
• The Stanley Hotel: Colorado’s Premiere Spooky Destination
• Oh, Blucifer
• First stop for UFOs: the Watchtower in Hooper
• The Ghosts of Cheesman Park
• Scientology is Scary [Opinion]
• Halloween Hitmakers
• En Garde