Reviving a child’s self-esteem

As I prepare to send my little ones back to school, I grab my handy-dandy checklist to make sure they have everything they need to make it through the school year. From school supplies to clothes to backpacks to self-esteem.

Self-esteem? Yes, self-esteem.

As a responsible parent, instilling self-esteem in my children at an early age has been just as important as teaching them how to tie their shoes and brush their teeth. As a LGBT parent, it feels as though I have to equip them with some extra self-esteem.

Just recently, my daughter came home and was screaming at the top of her lungs as if something tragic had happened. As I ran down the stairs I saw that she was physically OK. Short of breath and coughing in between words, I couldn’t make out a sentence, let alone a word. I was finally able to calm her down, at least enough for her to tell me that the neighborhood children were talking about me, and she just couldn’t take it anymore.

They were laughing at her, saying “Haha, your mom is a faggot,” and “you’ll never have a dad.”

I knew that kids could be cruel, but this was outright mean. After getting my daughter’s side of the story, I made my way to the neighbor’s house to let the parents know what the children were doing. I wasn’t prepared for my neighbor’s response: She looked as if she was about to collapse from exhaustion, and looking right through me, asked, “So, what do you want me to do about it?”

Hurt people hurt others.

My neighbor shared with me that her dad was gay, and her children had been bullied in the past by other children. Instead of teaching her children how to respond, the children taught themselves how to respond, by teasing others to mask their hurt and embarrassment of what was going on in their own home.

As I returned home with my daughter in tow, I was at a loss for words. What was I going to tell her when we got back home? What should have been a minute walk turned into a five minute crawl. After we got inside, tears began to roll down my face; I explained to her that teasing was a reflection of how people truly feel about themselves. For someone who finds humor in another person’s pain has low self-esteem and must be hurting a lot in their own heart. I told her that she did the right thing in coming to talk to me and if this happens again, and I’m not around, to find a safe place and tell an adult.

As my daughter laid her head on my shoulder, she took her little fingers and wiped my tears away. She asked me to look at her and through my fogged sight I was able to see her silhouette. She looked at me and said, “Those kids must really be hurting to not have a mommy like you that they can talk to.”

Bullying creates other bullies.

It is important to allow our children to express themselves – their hurt, pain, triumphs and failures. When they aren’t allowed to express themselves in the safety of their own home, they will express themselves at someone else’s expense, and society as a whole is affected. It takes a village to raise a child, but it all starts at home. ]

If you have question for Jasmine, email her at jasmine@parentingwellnesscenter.com.