Queer Creative Amanda E.K.

A writer and filmmaker, Amanda E.K. grew up in the Evangelical Church and was introduced to the concept of purity culture early on, the idea that God would reward her with wonderful sex if she waited until marriage. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

From being social and innocently flirtatious, E.K. became anxious and withdrawn. She soon realized that there was so much more than what she was taught growing up. E.K eventually came into her own truths as an atheist and a self-described “queer, polyamorous, nonbinary, womxn” in a loving marriage with her husband. E.K is currently pitching a memoir on her experience growing up in a fundamentalist, purity culture. 

E.K. took some time to chat more with OFM about her religious upbringing and creative projects.

You are a writer who is very sex-positive and often includes romance or erotica in your work. Can you tell us how that began?
I have been writing in a diary since the age of 7, and I still have all these diaries. A couple years ago, I decided I was going to turn them into a memoir about growing up in an Evangelical Church. Going back, I saw that I was always writing about relationships. Even at a young age, I always had this very romantic spirit. Once I started going to youth retreats through church, they really start inundating you with messages about you are meant to be married, and you are meant to save your body and pleasure for marriage. 

I got obsessed with the idea of saving myself and finding the one since the age of 12, if not younger. It started as early as I can remember, writing about this stuff. I was just naturally inclined within the church. It brought that out of me in an unhealthy way, and it has taken many years to morph that back into something healthy. I was always seeking, always loving the idea of someone earning me, me earning someone, and God promising I would be rewarded with great sex if I waited until marriage. So, I did. 

I met my husband when I was 19 in college, and we got married right out of college. He was cool, for the most part, with waiting. He knew he wanted to be with me long-term. He was not religious, but he was like, fine, whatever. He respected it. Then, it just was not at all what I was told it was going to be. I had a lot of difficulties with sex. I was, I guess you can say, a very lusty young person, so I wanted to get married early so I could start having sex. Then, when we did, my whole body shut down, and I hated myself. 

So, it has been a journey since then of coming back around to learning how to love my body, feel comfortable in it, and learn how to talk about sex. For most of my life, it was never OK to talk about it.

What do you hope audiences take away from your work?
Feeling seen and relatability. I want to find the people who grew up in a similar way, who are yearning to feel free in their own bodies and in their own sexual expression. Just to understand that sexual shame can be overcome, and it is a journey. Be patient with yourself. You are not alone.

Can you tell us more about the TV show you are working on, Hazelwood?
Yes. I have a creative partner; his name is Jesse Livingston, and we started writing it off a mutual love for David Lynch’s work. It is a supernatural story. Not like hard supernatural, but a gothic mystery, psychological thriller set in a small town in Iowa. It opens with a suicide of a young, high school boy throwing himself off a water tower after being really influenced by a piece of art. As this comes out, it is discovered that there had been a suicide 30 years prior after the man had observed a piece of art by the same artists. 

It turns into this search for the art and the artist who disappeared in the 90s, and it draws people from New York and L.A. They come and want to find the art so they can buy it because this artist suddenly blows up as being famous and desirable even though he disappeared. It then turns into a search for his art, what’s behind it, and why it is leading some people to feel drawn to death because of it.

Do you have any other film projects in the works?
Several. I am working on a series of black-and-white, photo-film stories, pandemic stories, and we are also working on another TV show as well. We just released a short film in November called Second Surface, and that was an official selection at the IndieX Film Fest. We also got nominated for “Best Mobile Short” and “Best Experimental Short.”

Follow E.K. on Twitter @AmandaEKwriter, and Instagram @amanda.ek.writer to stay up-to-date, or visit her official website, amandaekwriter.com. Also, make sure to follow E.K.’s production company, Glass Cactus, on Instagram @glasscactus_prods and Vimeo at vimeo.com/glasscactus  for the latest news and projects. To read the full interview, visit outfrontmagazine.com