Preventing Suicide Within the LGBTQ Community

Culturally, we see suicidality as “abnormal behavior.” I really wish we could shift that narrative to understand it as a symptom of much larger systemic issues. To minimize individual blame or shame around suicidality and address the reasons people feel pushed to that point would be a huge step in the right direction for intervention.

Victor Frankl famously stated that “an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is a normal behavior.” Suicidality is a defense mechanism and coping strategy in response to the cultural climate that we currently exist in, especially for LGBTQ+ people who are backed into corners of hopelessness, invalidation, and fears that things will not get better. Presented with very few other options, it’s understandable the consideration of ending their lives can appear to be a form of having or taking control.

Once we acknowledge the reality of systemic structures contributing to suicidality, we can understand the “why” and more effectively prevent and intervene with it to save lives.

OFM spoke with a few of our trusted partners around preventing suicide within the LGBTQ+ community

How can we better recognize when someone who “seems fine” might actually be struggling?

Sometimes people “seem fine” by isolating and minimizing their suffering, when they really need help the most. We can recognize this by being intentional about spending quality time with our friends/family and giving space for them to be authentic, whether that is happy/sad/anxious/excited/depressed/hopeless or something else.

If you could leave people with one message about suicide prevention during this awareness month, what would it be?

Treat others with kindness, and give the benefit of the doubt freely. You never know what someone is going through behind closed doors.

Healing with Feelings
Amanda Tinkey, LCSW
720-334-8646 (text/call)
amandatinkey@healingwithfeelings.com

What is one common myth about suicide or suicide prevention that you wish more people understood differently?

There’s a myth out there among some that talking about suicide can make someone more likely to have ideation or take their own life.  This is in fact false.  Many studies have found that talking about suicide can have a preventative effect.  Talking can be regulating and reduce suicide ideation.  If you or someone you love is having thoughts of suicide, direct them to free support phone numbers or mental health professionals.

If you could leave people with one message about suicide prevention during this awareness month, what would it be?

We know from the research that LGBTQ+ young people are far less likely to attempt or successfully suicide when they have a positive, supportive family and community backing them up.  If you have any young LGBTQ+ people in your orbit, as part of the community or an ally, support those young people and accept them fully.  This will not only reduce the likelihood of suicide, but it will have many other positive impacts on their lives for years to come.

Queer Relationship Institute
Tom Bruett
720-248-8359
tom@queerrelationshipinstitute.com

What is one practical action you would encourage someone to take if they’re worried a loved one might be struggling?

There is so much power in telling someone who is struggling that you love them and being direct that supporting them and helping them connect to resources is meaningful and positive for you. So often people feel alone in their pain and fear being a burden, and having someone validate and help with the logistics of getting support without judgement can be such a gift.

If you could leave people with one message about suicide prevention during this awareness month, what would it be?

Early intervention saves lives, and knowing the signs of distress and local resources in your community are great ways to be prepared to help someone you love. Don’t underestimate the power of community care and checking in on one another!

Brave Space Psychology
Dani Rosenkrantz Ph.D.
BraveSpacePsych.com
@bravespacepsych

What’s one subtle or often-overlooked warning sign that you think people should pay closer attention to?

We often know to check in when something distressing is happening in someone’s life. But we rarely think about how a “positive” life event can also be a stressor—and even increase suicide risk.

Life changes like having a child (even when deeply wanted), getting a promotion, receiving an award, getting married, graduating, finishing a marathon, or reaching a long-term goal can all be stressful. These moments shift routines, support systems, and even identity. They can sometimes be isolating, bring a “drop” after the event, or create a painful dissonance: “I should feel happy—Why don’t I?”

For many of us—especially LGBTQ+ folx—we aren’t always taught that we are worthy or deserving of good things. Achievements can bring up grief, discomfort, or fears of surpassing an “upper limit” of what we’re allowed to have. When those feelings become too much, some people may want to escape or feel unworthy of the recognition they’re receiving.

If you could leave people with one message about suicide prevention during this awareness month, what would it be?

Please don’t be afraid to talk about it. So many people have thoughts of suicide—more than we often realize. The more we can name our authentic experiences, the more we can meet each other with compassion and honesty. Naming the “scary thing” helps it lose its power and makes space for care.

And finally: check in on the folx who seem “perfect” or like they have it all together. High achievers can be holding silent battles you know nothing about.

True Essence Therapy
Aiya Staller
720-772 1606
trueessencetherapy.com
info@trueessencetherapy.com

Is there a resource—like a book, podcast, grounding exercise, or community program—you wish more people knew about when it comes to suicide prevention?

Queer Youth, Suicide and Self-Harm by E. McDermott

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource for the Transgender Community edited by Laura Erickson-Schroth

If you could leave people with one message about suicide prevention during this awareness month, what would it be?

If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, don’t argue; don’t fix—ask, listen, stay with them, and help connect them to immediate support. You don’t need to be an expert to save a life; you can be present and make the next call together

Roaring Courage Counseling
Veronica Villanueva
720-770-4906
roaringcouragecounseling.com

What do you want people to remember most when thinking about suicide prevention in their own circles?

One of the most important things to remember is that relationships can make a huge difference. If you are worried about a friend and wondering if they are thinking about suicide, ask them directly. Sometimes people are afraid of asking and worry it will make it worse or even introduce dark thoughts. The truth is, suicidal thoughts are incredibly common when people are overwhelmed, and one of the most helpful things we can do is let others know they are not alone and don’t have to be alone with their suicidal thoughts.

Reducing the stigma around suicidal thoughts and being safe people to share with are vital parts of suicide prevention. Importantly, supporting someone through suicidal thoughts is also a collective effort, and we need each other on this; if you feel solely responsible for someone’s wellbeing, ask others for help. We’re not meant to carry that on our own. Encourage friends and family wrestling with suicidal thoughts to talk to a therapist or other mental health professional. Therapists can be incredible resources of support during times of overwhelm and we want people to reach out for support when they need it.

We also need to remember that systemic supports are crucial. Access to housing is suicide prevention, access to food is suicide prevention, access to inclusive communities is suicide prevention, access to mental health care is suicide prevention, and access to gender affirming care is suicide prevention. We can all be part of the support and change around helping each other out when we feel stressed and overwhelmed, and we need to advocate for community and systemic level changes that reduce the amount of stress and overwhelm people have to face in their daily lives.

If you could leave people with one message about suicide prevention during this awareness month, what would it be?

It truly takes a village. We are social at our core and need each other in very practical, relational, emotional, and psychological ways. We are often given the message that we need to be “strong” and “independent” and essentially not need others. This is not how we are wired and we need to collectively remember how none of us have made it this far on our own. We can give and receive care, support, and kindness. We can build mutually supportive relationships and communities together. We can offer love and support while also being respectful of our own and others’ boundaries. When I have struggled, I know how grateful I have been to those who were there for me. Sometimes we’re the ones giving support, and sometimes we’re the ones needing it. In my experience, most of us want this type of community and connection. Let’s build it together.

Wander Haven Psychology
Jeff Paulez, PhD (he/him)
303-578-0708 | wanderhavenpsychology.com

This piece was created in collaboration with

Jesse Proia M.A  L.M.F.T
jesseproia@jesseproia.com
jesseproia.com
@jesseproia