The Power of Pretty: The Body of a Man, the Fortitude of a Woman

By Nico Stoerner

 “Feminine force is that inner strength, that power, that will to face down any negative circumstances in life and defeat them.” -Georgette Mosbacher

Georgette says it best, although I highly doubt she — the chairwoman of John McCain’s 2000 Presidential Campaign — ever foresaw her insightful words being used to console and encourage effeminate, perhaps even gay, men. That, however, is the premise of this article and the reason we’re featuring two successful entrepreneurs who learned to embrace and celebrate their true, feminine selves. With gender lines continuing to blur, human rights being gained, and societal norms adjusting, it’s important to recognize the strength and beauty of the individual. These two men found the courage to do just that, and so I sat down with them to discuss their journey.

DANNY BLU, glam rocker

Growing up, how did you feel about femininity?

When I was younger I tried to suppress any kind of femininity. I played soccer and watched crime shows. It felt like something I wasn’t supposed to know about or let other people see.

When did you become comfortable expressing it?

It wasn’t until I started getting into the music scene that I figured out that “feminine” and “queer” we’re separate identities. Boys in punk bands wear eyeliner and act flamboyantly and that’s considered masculine because of their profession. When I first saw Marilyn Manson, when I was 11, I began to understand what it was to be a “boy who wore non-boy things” and I started painting my nails, wearing a lot more fishnet, etc.

Did your family respond to this? 

My family was actually very supportive. I dyed my hair for years and wore piercings and jewelry before I was even in high school. My friends were ok with it too. I was more weird than feminine to them, and they were weird so that was ok.

What were your greatest challenges as you became more comfortable in your own skin?

At that time, I faced more challenges from the older generation. I had a principal who hated me for what I wore (though I was the president of the student government) and faced issues with administration and faculty.

How has your perception of femininity changed?

My perception has changed greatly. I perform in heels and corsets, covered in makeup. I think it’s something to be admired to be in touch with both sides of your being. I definitely embrace those around me who are in touch with themselves. I have tons of drag queen friends and other queer musicians who understand the influence [femininity has].

How do you see gender roles changing among young people and in the media today?

I believe gender roles are starting to blur, especially in pop culture and in the media. As the queer world begins to gain strength and rights, we are more comfortable seeing gay characters on television, in films, in music. Pop culture has always been on the forefront of the war of equality. It dominates our existence, so if we see change there, we begin to accept it into our lives. Young people, especially, are less concerned with gender roles, I believe. In my own experience, my own young nieces simply see me as the uncle they’ve always had, no matter what I’m wearing or how I act.

Concerning the stigma people have against feminine males/men who express their femininity, what advice would you give people experiencing the same struggle?

I would have to give the same advice I give to anyone going through the struggle of being themselves: you have the opportunity to choose your family, your tribe. Again, like I tell people when I’m speaking against bullying, if you don’t have a support system, find one. You are in this world for a reason and one day there will be people who understand you. Changing for others is counterproductive to evolution. If you were meant to be a more feminine male, werk it out. Be yourself.

See Danny and his fabulous self at www.thefactoryblu.com or shout him out at Facebook.com/DannyBlu.

JUSTIN JEDLICA, “The Human Ken Doll”

As you were growing up how did you feel about femininity? 

I grew up to regard effeminacy and homosexuality as the same thing, and frequently heard these terms used interchangeably.

When did you become comfortable expressing it?

Around senior year of high school I finally began to grow into my own skin, and once I graduated and had my first relationship with a man, I realized that I needed to accept myself. 

 Ironic as it may sound, I began to use plastic surgery as a medium to create art – to literally sculpt myself. I began to realize the power I had to illustrate my interest in art, beauty, and plastic surgery by using my own body as my canvas. My idols were female, and my effeminate nature was now both a strength and an inspiration for my work. Soon after, my caring, softness, finesse, and style began to be appreciated. I found the strength to see them as a blessing instead of a curse. Just as a “butch tomboy” should be proud of her confidence and strength, a “femme” guy should be proud of his softness and charm. 

How has your femininity influenced your body modification? 

Since my childhood I idolized females more than men. To me they were glamorous celebrities … symbols of creativity, desire, and sexuality. They were powerful. I always saw my mother as the “siren” of the household – the most tender, loving, alluring, and even manipulative. There was instant appeal. What’s more, there’s even more acceptance for women to modify their bodies than men. The measure of beauty always seems to be set by females and not men, so of course I’ve always found my inspiration to fall somewhere between the beauty of a woman in the build of a man.

How has exploring your feminine side changed your idea of the
male aesthetic?

I’m not sure that my personal views of the male aesthetic have changed. However, my ideal aesthetic has changed as I learned to celebrate my own femininity. I love specific contours and characteristics that are characteristic of both genders, and I have the power to pick and choose what I want to see in the mirror. This face and body is my artwork, my life’s work. Most artists get to create on canvas, but imagine how rewarding it is to wear your canvas 24/7.

What were your greatest challenges on your journey?

In my 20s, my challenges were within myself. Now that I am married, there’s a constant push/pull with myself and my husband. He’s much more conservative and prefers not to be acknowledged in the media. I respect his wishes but I also disagree with his choice. As partners, you must always make compromises with each other, and this is one of mine. I do, however, find great strength in and respect for people who are “out and proud.” I don’t tolerate untruth and I don’t perpetuate prejudice. 

Did you have any idols you looked up to that you were inspired by?

Lots! The short list includes Michael Jackson, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Joan Rivers, Ken (the doll), Esther Canadas, and Queen Nefertiti.

What advice would you give people experiencing the stigma of the feminine man?  

While I consider mine a success story I don’t delude myself into thinking that I’ve overcome any stigmas in society and I’m ok with that. Part of the reason for my success has been the result of having challenged the norm as a strong, ambitious, effeminate man – and not just in plastic surgery.

What advice would you give to men struggling with their femininity?

Don’t. Be true to yourself. “Fitting in” isn’t always the route to happiness — it can actually be a prison. Be the trendsetter, don’t follow the trend. It may sound cliché, but as an adult I’ve found that people respect people who respect themselves.

Check out more of Justin’s life work and aesthetic at JustinJedlica.com.