Play Psychic Jeopardy with the Lesbian Housewyfe

Did you know that I’m psychic?

Let me demonstrate.

Each weeknight, my wife, Stephanie, and I watch Jeopardy. At 7:30 here on the East Coast, we enjoy three contenders wrangling answers from their brains. Like the rest of the watching public, we guess the answers and rejoice when the correct response is so obvious to us but leaves the contestants clueless. At least once an episode, I scream random words like “Andrew Lloyd Webber!” and “Ararat! Mount Ararat!” at the screen, willing one of these people to hear me through space and time.

As you do. One friend posts his own yawps to the hapless Jeopardy contestants on Facebook each day to the enduring entertainment of his friends.

My extrasensory powers unveil themselves when Final Jeopardy shows up. For Final Jeopardy, the topic of the clue is revealed and then the show breaks away for a commercial break.

This…Is…Psychic Jeopardy!

Oh yes! Psychic Jeopardy is my favorite part of the game (despite how I loooooove being a smarty-party and yelling the correct answer at the TV).

And you can play too!

To join us for Psychic Jeopardy, just guess what the final answer will be during the commercial break. For example, one day the topic was Twentieth Century Writers. Guesses could include Hemingway or Zora Neale Hurston or Judy Blume. All you do is sit with the topic in your mind for a moment and see what bubbles to the top of your brain. Bingo-Bongo! That’s your selection.

Next, say it out loud so everyone in the room can hear.

If your selection matches the correct answer to the Final Jeopardy clue, you win Psychic Jeopardy!

My father played Psychic Jeopardy with us for the first time during a recent visit. He got the answer right and amazed himself. “Well, shoot!” he exclaimed in his calm Daddy fashion. “See you in the morning.” And he headed back to the guest room to go to bed.

Oh, did I mention? Jeopardy is our last show before we retire to the boudoir. We rarely stay up past 8 these days.

Remember when you were little and you were like, “When I grow up, I’m going to stay up all night long!”

And how whatever parent was putting you to bed would mumble under their breath?

That parent was laughing at you because they could barely keep their eyes open.

So, because we are normal adults with no other supervision, we move into the bedroom at 8 p.m. to peruse a rerun of an old television show and drift off to sleep.

Right now we’re working our way through the original Mission: Impossible series. Did you know that Martin Landau was considered a hottie? And Barbara Bain? Yes, please, I’d like some cinnamon on my toast. Rawr.

Since my little robin of a brain wakes me around 5 a.m. on most mornings (stupid bird!), I usually pass out first. Depend on me snoring by 9.

My psychic prowess seems confined to Jeopardy. For example, sometimes, in the few moments before Jeopardy begins, we’ll view last bit of Wheel of Torture, I mean, Wheel of Fortune. Despite the fact that I make fun of it for being easy, I am just shit at that game. I can never guess the word or phrase or any of it. But I wasn’t ever very good at the Word Jumble either, so that makes sense.

Dammit readers! I’m a humorist, not a cryptographer!

The other night, after I psychically deduced the answer to the Final Jeopardy question (or is that the question to the final clue?), Stephanie jumped online and posted it on Facebook.

Because, you know, it’s impressive. Despite the fact that I didn’t know if I’d gotten the answer correct until after Ken Jennings revealed it.

Stephanie knew. But she usually does.

Anyway, we occasionally post the feat to Facebook when Psychic Jeopardy goes our way. And then we discovered, we weren’t alone! Soooooo many people got it right that night! And the first one to respond was an old Steamboat Springs friend who proclaimed that she and her husband now play every night because I told her about Psychic Jeopardy.

Yep. I can see it now! People all over the world, laughing together and playing Psychic Jeopardy!

You know how I know?

I’m a psychic Lesbian Housewyfe.

Image created by LA Bourgeois