Parenting with love

As we celebrate the month of love, couples are professing their love for one another and all the lovely reasons why they do. Singles are in search of that one they can make their special someone. Parents are putting together love packages to give to their little ones as an expression of their love, but why do we love who we love?

Difference between “in love” and love

Parents often say that they love their children, and rightfully so. When asked why, they are able to ramble off: how cute they are, how smart they are, how excited they are about the things their child is doing, but do you love your children for who they are?

Of course when I gave birth to each one of my children, I fell in love with them, but it wasn’t until I developed a relationship with my children that I realized how much I really loved each one of them for who they were. Five different personalities, five different reflections of me, five opportunities to contribute to the betterment of humanity, most importantly five individuals who would become their own person with me as their guide, their parent.

Being in love with the thought of love is exciting, but to love someone takes hard work, communication, patience, acceptance and endurance. Even as a parent.

A Parent’s Love Varies

There are different kinds of love. The love I have for my family and friends is not the same love that I have for strangers. The love that I have for my children is not the same love that I have for my partner. No matter what level of love I have for any individual all depends on the work that I have put into that relationship and yes, that includes my children.

With five children, the level of love I have for each one of them varies. Why? Because of the things I have been through in my life with them has been different and the amount of time I have had the opportunity to parent each one of my children is different as well. That doesn’t mean that I have a favorite or that I love one more than the other. It is the bond that has been created in our relationship that defines the level of love I have for them.

My children taught me how to love 

The hurtful losses. The exciting celebrations. The frustrations, pain, joys and tears, they (my children) have been there. Each one of my children has shown me how to love myself more and more. Each one of them have taught me life lessons that would have taken a long time to learn IF I were to learn them at all had I had not had them. Each one of them loved me when I couldn’t and didn’t love myself. Each one of them saved my life.

As I am better able to love myself, I am able to give more love. Understand, you can only give what you have and if you don’t have love for yourself, how can you give love to anyone else? Although your intentions might be to love your children, make sure that you love yourself first, so that you can love them. Understand the difference of love and in love. Love them for who they are not what they are doing or have become.

What a privilege and honor to love and be loved.