Panel Voices: What is ‘family’ to you?

Pieter Tolsma, Keo Frazier and George K. Gramer, Jr. weigh in on this week’s question.

Pieter Tolsma

Since coming out almost a decade ago and thereby losing connection with my biological family, I’ve held to the idea that friends are the family that I choose for myself. This idea fit really well in my circumstance and continues to be one that I live by.

I guess it is a bit ironic then that I love other people’s families so much. In my experiences dating, I’ve consistently gotten a huge boost out of the family events of my boyfriends. Without a family of my own involved in my life, I derive great pleasure from being welcomed into the family spaces of others.

For me, family is not just the biological family but also those other connections that have lasted through tough times and been there to share your life experiences. I can’t say that I consider every friend of mine as family but those ones who have been through all the highs and lows of my life and manage to still like me have earned that position. It was the passage of time and the shared experience that make them family more than any shared biology ever could. The idea of ‘family’ incorporates some of my closest friends who are closer to me than any member of my bio-family ever was. Holidays were made for these types of friends.

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a sexual health and social support program for gay/bi men in Denver.

George K. Gramer, Jr.

My “family” has, as a minimum, five components.

My blood relations: I cannot deny that they are my family. We are all very different, but I love them all dearly.

My friends: Having lived five-sixths of my life in the closet, a good number of my friends are straight. Regardless, I love my friends — wherever they live, and whatever they do. I think that the small group of close friends I have developed since moving to Denver six years ago is a most interesting and unique band of brothers.

My church: I know that for many LGBT, church is not an important element of life. To me, a gay man, not out in my open and affirming congregation, I find the faith community to be a wonderful family. I have been on twelve mission trips in the last decade, and each has been an inspiring personal experience.

My workplace: As a veteran, I am still close, close friends with all my coworkers from Panama 1989, and many of my other military friends from a wonderful almost 29-year career. Bonding in a wartime situation creates close family.

My world: You all are my friends and family. Most of you do not know me personally, but I am a good person, and I find the world to be a wonderful place. Everyone is my brother or sister. That is what life is about.

Iowa native George Gramer, Jr. is the president of the Log Cabin Republicans.

Keo Frazier

In the Merriam-Webster dictionary on my bookshelf there are eight definitions of family, each having two or three sub-definitions. Each of those definitions links family as a unit having a common thread, bond or ancestry. My family follows the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition with
some additions.

My family is there through the smiles and the sadness. My family includes my grandparents who offer wisdom, my mother who loves me unconditionally and my wife who is my muse and strength. Family loves, forgives, heals and cherishes. My family is a gift that cannot be replaced or forgotten because my family gives unselfishly.

Friends can be like family but they can never replace your family unless they have gone through the smiles and the sadness over many years. Once a friend can love unconditionally, give always and forgive everything they become family.

A family is a bond that holds a group of individuals together. My family is my glue that holds me together. So, for me, family is immensely important; since Merriam-Webster includes eight definitions for family in the dictionary, I assume that family is just as significant and important to everyone. No matter how you define your family, they are important to how we live and survive decades upon decades.

Keo Frazier is a local entrepreneurial and business leader, and the fearless founder of KEOS Marketing Group.