Panel Voices: How should LGBT people address heterosexism or cissexism within other marginalized groups?

Elisabeth Long, Keo Frasier, George Gramer and Pieter Tolsma weigh in on this week’s question.

Elisabeth Long

There’s not one way in which LGBTQ people should address heterosexism and cissexism within other subcultures or oppressed communities because heterosexism and cissexism play out differently in different communities.  Because of this, efforts to address heterosexism and cissexism in other communities are strongest when led by LGBTQ folks within those communities. LGBTQ folks within those communities are the folks who have the strongest lived knowledge of what that looks like, what that feels like, and how to disrupt it.

Within that, I think we do best when we share, learn from, and build off of queer and trans histories of coalition work and movement for collective liberation.  This work is not new, yet one of the ways we experience oppression is not learning our histories.  Unless we’re lucky to have family or teachers that shared otherwise, most of us never learned about liberation movements in our youth.  (In rural Missouri, I was lucky to get a day or two on the most conservative details of the U.S. civil rights and feminist movements when I was in elementary and high school!) I never learned about queers in the Southern Freedom Movement or collaborations between working class white folks and people of color in labor movements or all of the other actions and movement that occurred before and contemporarily to Stonewall but that have largely been erased in the Stonewall to PRIDE narrative.  We have to reclaim those histories, share them, learn from what was and was not done, and honor them by continuing the struggle.

Addressing heterosexism and cissexism in other oppressed communities is best addressed when queer and trans folks learn and share our individual and collective histories with non-LGBTQ people in our families and communities, find the connections between different forms of oppression within our stories, and build relationship and collaboration for our collective liberation.

Elisabeth Long is a sassy queer femme-inist Pisces babe. She’s passionate about anti-violence and queer activism and enjoys bonding with animals, and rockin’ a hot pair of stilettos.

Keo Frazier

I believe we should accept each of us as who we are, removing that lens of our own experience without social constructions of society. I recognize that this is an evolved form of thought and perhaps too much to ask. For me, I feel very much female and feminine and I also am attracted to women. I dress as society tells me a woman should dress because somewhere along the way I found it appealing. Who is to say that I am this way because I was created this way or because I adapted to society? It is probably both – nature and nurture. But, to judge me is passé or archaic even (yawn).

As a community we are already deemed different and suffer through that realization from society at large. Why would we put our brothers and sisters through that same suffrage as a collective? As we hope for others to embrace us we have to model that behavior and embrace ourselves. Although I identify with my gender, it doesn’t mean I can’t step outside of that in my thought process and emotions to relate to others.

My message to everyone is for us to choose to give and love, not judge or hate ourselves and our community. We must lead in this charge for both homosexual and heterosexual communities. And, when you see me with my high heels and pink suede tool belt embrace all of my femininity as a proud, strong lesbian.

Keo Frazier is the fearless leader and founder of KEOS Marketing Group.

Pieter Tolsma

About six months ago I came to know someone professionally who said he was poorly adjusted to the modern state of homosexuality. He said he came from an era where gay–friendly bars were only attended by gay men (not lesbians) and that there was a community of gay men who did not need a world outside of the gay community. He told me he did not recognize the gay community anymore.

I found myself in a different gay community when I came out. I had gay, straight, bi and queer friends and sought the community of anyone who interested me. While it is not always perfect, society is getting better at accepting sexual differences and I feel lucky enough to be part of that. That being said, recently a gay male friend told me that he didn’t ‘think trans people were real’ as though the trans identity was not legitimate and deserving of his respect.

I have really high expectations for the gay community. Those of us who have the amazing fortune to be able to express our sexuality openly, especially after fighting so hard to make it so, must not stop there but continue to fight. My colleague fought for gay rights and now I can live my life openly but now I carry on the fight to push past that to embrace all of the other sexualities and identities that have been waiting for their moment to shine. I feel those who fought for recognition should be the very last people to deny it to others.

Pieter Tolsma is a graduate student at the University of Colorado Denver. He is also program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a program for gay/bi young men in Denver.

George K. Gramer, Jr.

LGBT individuals hold their own personal views on these classifications/statuses. Some religious groups and private organizations hold other beliefs. I believe that it is important to remember that people unlike us may have completely opposite thoughts and views about things we hold important – things dealing with homosexuality and gender identity – some cultural, and some institutional. So, how might we address those of different views?

There are those entities like the National Organization for Marriage and Focus on the Family for which I have no respect, but which I believe must be allowed their First Amendment rights to speak their beliefs.

Each of us needs to develop our personal view on every issue influencing society, not just those issues affecting the LGBT community. We need to develop coherent beliefs across the spectrum (for example, I am pro choice and pro death penalty as they have the same result).

Faith, race, culture, and ignorance all play a role in peoples’ thoughts and actions. The LGBT community and our spokespeople need to be less dramatic, accusative, and confrontational. We need to accept the fact that it takes a whole lot of clowns to put on a circus.

Iowa native George K. Gramer, Jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.