Out Front Strain of the Month: Purple Paralyzer

By Lady Lucky Charms

Once upon a time, long (lonnnng ago) — most likely in the 1970s — in a small, tucked- away farming and mining community on the Western Slope, a legendary plant called

Purple Paralyzer burst from the soil. Born of the genus cannabis, the mythical Paralyzer had intense, soporific powers, rendering even the biggest and burliest of man or woman senseless for hours. Before you go in search of this magical weed, read on …

The stories of the Paralyzer have it all — intrigue, mystery, sex, drugs, rock & roll, pink elephants, drug smuggling, dancing bears, and a whole lot of munchies. The mystery is how it actually got here. Rumor has it that a guy who spent time in Tibet smuggled some black, sticky hash back to this area. He was doing a construction project and hired a guy to help him, someone he’d get really high before he paid him so he could rip him off. One day, the boss passes out and the worker takes off with some seeds that supposedly “fell” out of the hash ball. The scandal! The cat was out of the bag.

This area has been known for swingers for a long time and I suspect that’s something the purple “cat” brought along. We attract a lot of party people, musicians, and artists. As for the dancing bears and pink elephants, that’s a personal anecdote about my first time trying the stuff, perhaps because I had just seen Fantasia. When I ask around about the stuff, I get a few a few raised brows. One local recalls her friends making several-thousand-mile Paralyzer runs to Paonia several times a year. Another talks about getting so stoned that she crawled under a table at a restaurant and pulled her turtleneck over her face. She sat there for a few hours.

There are a number of private airstrips in the area that once were runways for planes carrying not only Paralyzer but all kinds of other “goodies” too. The drug smuggling is hearsay, of course, but there are some runways still in existence on private properties, as well as the Paonia airport, which was privately owned at one time. To this day, Paralyzer has a reputation that’s so far and widely spread that when people say that they’re from Paonia, the most common response is “Paonia? Isn’t that where that crazy weed comes from?”

I remember my first time smoking it. (Sort of.) I think I was about fifteen. One little puff and I was a vegetable for seven hours. It’s almost surreal for me, having grown up here and not really thinking about Paralyzer as any kind of a big deal. Even more surreal is the fact that pot is now legal! What?! Who woulda thunk it.

This mysterious strain of cannabis manages to remain just that — a mystery. It’s still talked about (in whispers) and highly sought after — a legend that shows no signs of fading. Purple, Paralyzer, Purple P-Bud. Whatever you choose to call it, this wicked weed has a very colorful past and, I suspect, an even more colorful future.