New, more-accurate acronyms

Gay culture has many shorthand terms and acronyms used online and elsewhere to simplify situations or concepts. Unfortunately, many of the terms on HIV, sex, and hooking up are discriminatory or mean-spirited. Take “DDF,” for “drug and disease free” (as in: “I’m looking for someone who’s ‘DDF,’” or “I’m ‘DDF’ and you should be too,”) which lumps people who are HIV positive with use of illegal drugs (which may or may not include pot).

These categorical ways of describing people bother me for a few reasons — first, because they’re inaccurate. The term isn’t usually intended to describe non–sexually-related diseases like cancer or diabetes, nor does it address someone’s usage of alcohol, caffeine or nicotine — but what it does describe is simplistically conflated as a batch of things that carry social stigma.

If you don’t want to hang with someone who uses illegal drugs, state that. (Be aware that they may be addicted to other things like being bitchy or chronically late.) If you are looking to get with someone who is HIV negative, then say that. (Be aware that just because someone tells you they are negative doesn’t mean that they are being honest about their status or even know their status.) My second concern with using terminology like this is that it can cause feelings of isolation, stigmatization, anger and hurt for many people who see or read your comment, even if that wasn’t your intent.

I’m sending out a worldwide challenge — develop language that can be used to describe yourself or what you’re looking for in positive terms, rather than perpetuating stigma toward who you don’t want. Send me your own ideas! Let’s start the revolution of empowering each other instead of separating and hurting each other.

PUSH: Positive Undetectable Sexy Healthy // Here is new acronym that could describe someone who is HIV positive, consistent with their medication treatment and has a low level of HIV in their blood which represents a hugely-reduced risk of transmitting HIV to an HIV-negative partner — and, oh yeah — is
totally woofy.

NEAR: Negative Educated Affirming Responsible // Here is one for an HIV-negative person who understands how HIV is transmitted and how to reduce their risk of becoming HIV positive.  These people have thought through their personal limits and realize that there are ways to protect themselves without being afraid of or condescending to HIV positive people.

PONG: Powerful Optimistic No Games // This describes an individual that has integrity and an optimistic attitude towards meeting up people to build great relationships.  When they express interest or make plans, they mean it and can be counted on to follow through.

FLUID: Fun Lacking Using Illegal Drugs // These people may be sober, struggling with recovery, or simply wanting to stay away from people that use drugs.  Additionally, people may want to express if they usually stay away from socializing in bars or clubs because hanging out in quieter environments can mean more intimate conversations.

WHIP: Wanting Hotness In Person // Use this when you want to reinforce that being online or endless chatting is not as fulfilling as meeting in person.  Get out there and go do something!

BAD FEAR: Bullshit And Drama Free Enjoyable Authentic Relationships   // Wouldn’t that be nice?  Hopefully this is what we are all endeavoring to have in our lives.

Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor. Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.