Mom’s advice for having a successful relationship

I just got a stern phone call from my mom. My previous column about “mom’s advice for hooking up” had her questioning why I didn’t write about what our moms would say about maintaining a good relationship. The reality is that in earlier generations, many marriages were based around that life-long monogamous partner with whom you could celebrate 50 or more years together.

We’ve entered an age where other ways of looking at relationships are acceptable, but there are some very important life lessons that could benefit even the most non-traditional homo. Some of us are OK with relationships that aren’t destined to last the rest of our lives or with having more than one partner at a time, but here are some ways to make any kind of connection as fulfilling, wonderful and non-dramatic as possible.

If you make a mess, clean it up: We all make mistakes or screw something up. Perfection is a great goal, but rarely does anyone actually attain it. When challenging things happen or feelings are hurt, figure out ways to address the situation. Allowing these bad feelings to fester only serves to make them more difficult to deal with when you finally have to, and can leave deep-rooted pain and resentment. Just suck it up — you’re going to have to apologize anyway!

Think before you talk: Lashing out when you’re angry can cause even more hurt feelings. Off-the-cuff comments can come across as mean-spirited or insensitive. You may mean what you are about to say, but if it comes across in damaging ways, your argument isn’t going to end well. Consider how your words might impact your partner. Handle things that might bring up insecurities more gently.

Be kind to others: At the end of the day, hopefully we all have a general respect for people in our lives. There are times in both shorter and long-term relationships where some of the sweetness and thoughtfulness drifts from our focus, especially when we’re getting into routines, or when things get crazy busy. But there’s always time to say “please” and “thank you.”

Honesty is the best policy: I appreciate that some conversations with our loved ones can be difficult, uncomfortable and potentially volatile. Being honest can be a huge challenge for people in relationships, either due to not wanting to hurt the other’s feelings or because that honesty may make us look like an ass. Regardless of the reason, the longer the truth is kept out of the relationship, the more potentially-destructive consequences arise when it’s finally unveiled. Also, be careful about pushing feelings away to deal with them later or hope they’ll just go away. We all know what can happen when we live in a closet or corner.

You can do anything you set your mind to: It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to figure out a way to purchase a home, get in shape, finance a European vacation or build up the courage to go out in those new sequenced hot shorts. It is important to remember that there are times when life and particular situations can be more difficult than others, but there aren’t many things that are so difficult or catastrophic that we can’t somehow make them work.